Posts Tagged ‘UK’
Red Car No Attraction
Let’s look at a recent UK survey of men’s and women’s impressions of the opposite sex implied by their cars. Survey test subjects were shown two sets of photos. A split group of women were shown specific photos. One group was shown the photo of a man seated in a silver Bentley Continental GT and the other group was shown a photo of the same man seated in a red Ford Fiesta. A split group of men were shown the same woman seated in both of the cars. Women were asked to rate the level of attractiveness of the man. The man seated in the silver Bentley Continental scored much higher than the same man when seated in the red Ford Fiesta. For the men, there was no car bias difference in the woman’s level of attractiveness.
If Red Car Small Penis were to interpret the findings on the women’s tests: 1. A spendier ride will make any man appear to be more attractive 2. Women will place a higher degree of attractiveness on a man perceived to have money 3. A man seated in a red car, especially a cheap red car, is downgraded for desperately trying to be flashy. Plus, subliminally, you know these women inferred the men seated in the Fiesta had a small penis. If only the women had been asked about what size penises they thought these men had, small, average or large! Their answers would have reflected true small penis humiliation!
Rod’s Little Rod and Red Hot Rod
There is no shortage of famous celebs riding around in fiery red sports cars revealing more about themselves than they realize. This blog has been documenting the relationship between driving a red car and having a small penis for years. Famous crooner Rod Stewart is no exception to the small penis humiliation rule. Rod recently confessed that his “little rod” was made even smaller by taking steroids to combat inflammation of his vocal cords during early concert touring days.
Most men who fantasize about becoming famous rock stars want to get filthy rich as well as bed a bevy of beautiful women. While Rod was getting rich, his rod was being shriveled due to steroid use. Instead of hiding in shame, he publicly advertised to the world he had a small penis by motoring around in his Red Ferrari Enzo, years before he revealed his small penis humiliation! Rod’s little rod and red hot rod belong together! Everyone knows that cruising in a red car is signaling to the world you have a small penis! Talk about total small penis humiliation. Rod claimed that steroids reduce the swelling in any membrane, not just the vocal cords, but also the “membrane” in a guy’s pants. Cue PSA for the biggest reason not to take steroids.
This peen shrinkage news becomes more timely with all the steroid talk in the baseball world making it easy to identify which players are sporting small packages due to ‘roid abuse. Players on MLB’s steroids list are not only going to be publicly humiliated by being suspended, but also sports fans will know each of those players shrunk their peens in order to play ball and get filthy rich. Poor ARod and Ryan Braun are now clearly among the league’s smallest endowed players. Oddly enough, neither drive red sports cars. Yet.
Rod’s Red Hot Rod at a British car show
Birds Poop on Red Cars
Apparently, it’s not humiliating enough to be a man with a small penis driving a red car. According to a new study from the UK, birds poop on red cars more than any other color car. The birds poop on Red cars study wasn’t able to conclusively pinpoint why birds seem to target Red cars more frequently than cars of other colors. The study suggested a few theories, but failed to touch on the one that is quite obvious to me. These instinctive creatures apparently know exactly what women have known for years – that men who drive Red cars have a small penis and need to suffer the humiliation associated with having such an inadequate appendage!!! Bird droppings = small penis humiliation. Park your Red car at the beach and the seagulls will assault your car and make girls laugh even more about your tiny dick or throw you the small dick humiliation pinkie salute when they see you getting into your Red car with the customized polka dotted paint job.
So… not only do short dicked men receive small penis humiliation from girls for driving their Red cars around, but also these men have to contend with the humiliation of birds pooping on their rides more than any other color car!!!
Red Car Small Penis – Exceptions to the Rules
Red Car Small Penis – Exceptions to the Rules
Does owning or driving a red car necessarily signify that a man has a small penis? Well, there are exceptions to every rule. For instance, a recent blog post here on Red Car Small Penis explored that Kobe Bryant drives a Red Ferrari, but it’s been well documented that he doesn’t lack size. That being said, are there certain categories of men who the Red Car Small Penis rule doesn’t apply to?
Eric Clapton is known for his legendary guitar play, but he’s also known as a collector of expensive sports cars, particularly a custom built Red Ferrari Enzo that cost him well over $4 million. Another extremely wealthy musician who has an extensive red car collection is the drummer for Pink Floyd, Nick Mason. He is known to be fanatical about his cars and has a passion for racing these finely tuned machines. But are these guys advertising that they’re short, short men, or do they just like expensive toys?
Maybe it’s because these guys are über rich and have nothing else to do with their money. The principle that guys who buy Red sports cars automatically have small penises may not apply to super wealthy men who are buying expensive toys to play with as opposed to guys wanting to drive flashy Red small penis size compensation cars to attract females on the streets.
Or maybe there’s a geographical distinction, since these guys are both of English descent. There is a long history of buying sports cars in England, dating back to roadsters in the 20’s. The British didn’t go through the phallocentric auto trends of every decade like Americans have, examples: hot rods, muscle cars, street racers, etc. Buying a Red sports car may be emblematic of the British culture for an appreciation of the sports car, of racing, of good taste. Could Red Car Small Penis say that buying a Red sports car doesn’t automatically equal small penis humiliation for British sports car owners? Like I said to start this entry, there are exceptions to the rules, but one thing is certain, there is a high correlation to driving a Red car with having a small penis. So if you drive a Red sports car, expect to be humiliated by girls flashing the small penis humiliation pinky wave unless you can prove your size. Otherwise take it you’re advertising you’re small where it matters most!
Red Ferrari Knit-Pick
There was only one time in the history of my Red Car Small Penis blog that I wrote about a Red Ferrari without mentioning small penis humiliation. And the lone time I wrote about a Red Ferrari without small penis humiliation was??? My news story about the Ferrari Theme Park in the UAE. Nevertheless, you can’t drive this Red Ferrari, you can’t even sit in it or on it, but it’s still a Red Ferrari! Made of twelve miles of mostly red yarn, and nearly a year in the making, this Red Ferrari took longer to make than a factory Ferrari sports car! British art student, Lauren Porter, knit the car as an art project. Her Ferrari sports car art piece had been on exhibit in art galleries and auto shows in the UK and Europe for the past five years. Porter is now retiring it from exhibition and is selling her Red Ferrari knit-knack. And while Porter is hoping her unusual art project will find a home where many can enjoy the life-sized Red Ferrari, money talks! So if a private buyer wishes to buy her hand-knit Red Ferrari, the knit-wit will part with her art for the right price.
Will it be sold to a private buyer with a Red Ferrari sports car fetish who can’t afford the real thing? Will it be sold to a wealthy buyer with Red Car Small Penis syndrome who would like to put it in his man cave or media room as a conversation piece? Or add it to his car collection in his gallery garage as a Red Ferrari small penis humiliation folly? But in any case, the eventual buyer might suffer minor small penis humiliation in buying it, but at least the owner will never be seen driving it!
The Red Car Small Penis Humiliation Trifecta!
Not just one, not just two, but three expensive red collector sportscars? How small is this penis? One car per inch? A vintage red Aston Martin, Porsche and Ferrari collectively smell like small penis humiliation and imported carnauba wax! Parked in their very own no-expense-spared, impeccably designed and racing theme accessorized showroom garage with (likely Italian) marble tile floors…these small penises on Pirelli tires are probably only driven up and down the imported stone driveway. A SoCal friend noted the ocean blue license plates are old pre-1980 California tags probably dating back to the era of the Red small penis cars. Yes, this Red sportsar owner undoubtedly obsesses over such authentic details. These British and European sports cars are ultra primo small penis humiliation toys. And obviously kept hand waxed and buffed to perfection, hmmm do I detect Freudian vicarious small penis masturbation?
Unfortunately, unlike the Malibu ocean view villa I previously blogged about where the savvy owner dangled the free Red Ferrari to anyone who bought the property by a specific date, none of these small penis humiliation cars are part of the deal re: the impressive Northern California estate property replete with garage showroom currently on the market for over seven million dollars. It could be assumed that the owner is hoping to attract another wealthy car collector as the pimped out garage can fit not just three, but six small penis humiliation sports cars.
While this is the first time, Red Car? Small Penis! has hit the Small Penis Trifecta, I doubt it will be the last. Enjoy the Red Car Small Penis humiliation photos!
The Bigger the Car, the Smaller You Are?
How much does the size choice of a man’s car equate to his penis size?
Comedienne Sarah Silverman’s father tweets about life from Boca Raton, Florida. You can actually see where her sardonic sense of humor comes from, if you follow him on his RantsFromBoca Twitter. One of his recent tweets:
Boca rumor has it the bigger the car the smaller the penis. So why am I driving a Prius? Maybe it isn’t applicable if you are 73.
A Red Prius was a virtual joke-mobile for actors Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg playing farcical French Connection-esque cops in last year’s comedy film “The Other Guys”. The Red Prius took the brunt of “small” jokes intimating small penis humiliation.
And the Prius, perhaps due to its name, a five letter word that sounds like Penis, continues to be a target for small penis humiliation jokes, regardless of color. In this case, a small car is associated with having a small penis as if it is a mirror to small penis humiliation size. Prius? Small Penis!
I’ve also blogged about how men aka losers who try to overcompensate for lack of penis size by buying a big-ass SUV, super-sized pick-up truck or large luxury sedan, but not necessarily in the color known as “small penis” red. In this case, it’s: Big Car? Small Penis!
Emma Parker Bowles, a British expat and writer living in LA, and yes, niece of cuckoldress Camilla Parker Bowles, penned an interesting article in the The Sun, a UK news journal, about the same small penis humiliation topic. She opined that men with small penises seek out larger cars to compensate for their lack of penis size, but lamented she couldnt’ go around de-pantsing the big car drivers to prove her theory. Oh, if only! She also noted that Americans have an obsession about car size regardless of penis size and much more so than car owners in other countries. She felt that despite the new trend in the US toward driving smaller cars and hybrids, that Americans will typically seek out larger vehicles to drive. In America, she stated, “bigger is better” regardless of fuel costs or environmental impact.
Image c/o movie still from “The Other Guys”
Porsche Driving Test = Testosterone Thrills
Unfortunately, the penis size of the drivers was not measured before they took their test spins in the Toyota and the Porsche for this study on male testosterone levels. And it wasn’t advised if the test Porsche was Red! But the study results were surprising!
A research study done by Concordia University in Montreal focused on testosterone levels of males before and after driving both a relatively conservative sedan, a Toyota Camry, and a racy convertible sportscar, a Porsche 911 Cabriolet. The study group was comprised of approximately forty male college students. The test subjects were given a course to drive which basically consisted of two vastly different street environments. One street was considered busy and for purposes of the study, was filled with attractive young women on the sidewalks. The other street was essentially deserted. Then after each spin in the Toyota and Porsche on the test streets, each man’s saliva was measured for his testosterone levels. Even I did not guess the surprising results.
First, whether the element of the attractive women was present or not, the testosterone level of the male subjects did not increase after driving the Camry. Hmmm, there was no increase in testosterone even when exposed to the sexy women?
Second, when the test subjects in the Porsche 911 drove down the street filled with hot chicks, their testosterone levels rose. OK I guessed that. But then when the same test subjects drove down the empty street in the Porsche, their testosterone levels rose. OK I guessed that too. But what was most interesting: The testosterone rose to the same levels as it did when the test drivers drove down the street with the attractive ladies parading on the sidewalk.
The lead researcher conducting the study, Gad Saad, concluded, “Put a guy in a Porsche and his testosterone levels shoot up, whether people are watching or not.” According to Saad, this is a biological reaction. But what about the lack of testosterone reaction to the sexy women? Saad clarified that the consistent rise in testosterone for the Porsche drivers constituted a form of sexual signaling regardless if females were present. This passive sexual signaling was supposed to indicate that the drivers of the Porsche were the best potential mates.
So do men choose to drive racier sportscars as a general mating signal, regardless if the signal is received? What if women find it pathetic that the sportscar drivers, regardless of their testosterone levels, aren’t ideal mates if the cars (by color or type) signal to the females: small penis humiliation! Do men seek to drive sportscars to get more of a testosterone thrill even if there are no women present and regardless of small penis humiliation? Is testosterone a hormone to which men can become addicted, similar to adrenaline?
Small penis humiliation aside, more research is definitely needed if there are biological components as to why a man’s testosterone reacts the way it does when driving particular vehicles. But I would certainly like to see the next study include a Red Porsche and penis size measurements to know if there are variants if the drivers have a small penis and to determine if there are testosterone reactions to a Red sportscar color!
Red Car Small Penis Myths!
While there are small penis humiliation myths debunked below by statistical data about driving and insuring Red cars, one interesting stat is that studies have shown Red cars are involved in more accidents than any other color cars… Hmmmm could that mean that Red car drivers are driving unsafely, faster than they should, trying to show off, in an effort to overcompensate for small penis humiliation?
As if it isn’t enough of a statement of small penis humiliation to be seen driving an ultra expensive rare prized Red Ferrari, consider the humiliation when this Australian university student had to make the dreaded cell phone call: “Ummm Dad, I just wrecked your $400,000 Ferrari…”
The “Red Car Bias” Myth #1: A common misconception is that Red sportscar drivers tend to receive more speeding tickets than drivers of other color cars. Could it be due to their Red cars’ flashiness? Or that Red car small penis drivers receive tickets due to envy of the patrolling police officers? This is compounded by the ostensible optical illusion created by a Red car’s color that makes it appear to be going faster than it really is, regardless of a radar gun. Too bad there isn’t a radar gun that also detects small penis size.
Let’s confer with the experts. According to the Insurance Information Institute: “There is no data to support the assertion that Red cars receive more traffic tickets than cars of any other color.” Still, the Red car speeding ticket myth has been so widely accepted that it correlates to another Red Car? Small Penis! driving myth below.
The “Red Car Bias” Myth #2: How many car buyers have avoided Red cars because they believed owning a Red car would mean higher insurance rates than cars of other colors? (Let alone that it would mark them for small penis humiliation…) However, while some studies have suggested Red cars are involved in a disproportionate number of accidents, according to the same insurance institute: “There are no major insurance companies that consider car color when determining insurance rates.” The bottom line in the auto insurance industry is that drivers with good driving records, who drive safe vehicles, park off-street at their residences, live in a low car theft risk area and drive a moderate amount of miles per year typically have the lowest car insurance premiums. Drivers of Red cars, whether they sport a humiliating small penis or monster cock, aren’t necessarily “penalized” for driving and insuring a Red car. That is, until they rack up the speeding tickets or get into an at-fault accident. Then not only will their auto insurance rates rise, but also their small penis humiliation.
Images c/o SydneyMorningHerald.com
Red Ferrari Small Penis Humiliation
Fallacy (or should I say Phallus-y): Buying an expensive Red sports car will increase the size of your small penis!
Fact: Buying an expensive Red sports car will increase girls’ knowledge of your small penis and therefore, your small penis humiliation!
One eBay UK “member” found out the “hard” way (hey, puns are just rolling off my keyboard) that a shiny fast Red Ferrari does not increase the size of a little dick and only adds to small penis humiliation, so much so, that he tried to auction it off on eBay.
Check out the 1984 Ferrari Testarossa depicted below. A classic Red Italian stallion featuring 385 horsepower, the Testarossa first debuted in 1984 and was named for the daughter of Ferrari’s founder who was a redhead. (Testarossa means redhead in Italian). Redheads are also considered good luck in Italy. In fact, Italians will touch someone’s red hair for luck. No luck was needed in the case of the Testarossa becoming an instant classic in the Ferrari line. However, the eBayer trying to part with his “red car small penis” Testarossa had no luck with his auction.
But when reviewing the eBay member’s auction history, to his small penis humiliation and embarrassment everyone could see what he last purchased: a Doc Johnson Titan Penis Enlargement Pump!
At least Doc Johnson added a caveat to the description of their Penis Enlargement Pump, unlike the Red Ferrari… The Doc Johnson Penis Enlargement Pump disclaimer detailed that some men declare the use of penis enlargement pumps as being effective tools for increasing size of their little “tools”. Others have reported that Penis Enlargement Pumps do not have any lasting effect on small penis size. It is acknowledged that penis pumpers can extend the length of their small dicks while using the pump, but have found their small penises will return to original small penis humiliation size after using the device.
The same caveat, it appears, could be applied to Ferraris…
Not only will a Red Ferrari not make a small penis bigger, it may also make it smaller! To all the girls who see any man driving it!
Image c/o eBay.co.uk
