Posts Tagged ‘UK’

Red Jet Small Taxes

Formula One superstar driver Lewis Hamilton, rumored to be well-hung, is now endowed with a red jet. Only a black stud could zip around in a red jet without a single trace of “Red Jet Small Penis” humiliation. To Hamilton, it’s transpo and flash without taxes since his advisers found a creative way for him to avoid adding to the Queen’s coffers. Find out more about Hamilton’s UK VAT tax strategy on Business Insider. And find more pics of Lewis with his spendy private jet on his Instagram @lewishamilton

red car small penis humor

photo c/o Lewis Hamilton Instagram

In case you missed it, a Red Car Small Penis owner who found a nifty tax dodge

Red Car No Attraction

Red Ford Fiesta

Let’s look at a recent UK survey of men’s and women’s impressions of the opposite sex implied by their cars. Survey test subjects were shown two sets of photos. A split group of women were shown specific photos. One group was shown the photo of a man seated in a silver Bentley Continental GT and the other group was shown a photo of the same man seated in a red Ford Fiesta. A split group of men were shown the same woman seated in both of the cars. Women were asked to rate the level of attractiveness of the man. The man seated in the silver Bentley Continental scored much higher than the same man when seated in the red Ford Fiesta. For the men, there was no car bias difference in the woman’s level of attractiveness.

If Red Car Small Penis were to interpret the findings on the women’s tests: 1. A spendier ride will make any man appear to be more attractive 2. Women will place a higher degree of attractiveness on a man perceived to have money 3. A man seated in a red car, especially a cheap red car, is downgraded for desperately trying to be flashy. Plus, subliminally, you know these women inferred the men seated in the Fiesta had a small penis. If only the women had been asked about what size penises they thought these men had, small, average or large! Their answers would have reflected true small penis humiliation!

Rod’s Little Rod and Red Hot Rod

Rod Stewart Red Ferrari Hot Rod

There is no shortage of famous celebs riding around in fiery red sports cars revealing more about themselves than they realize. This blog has been documenting the relationship between driving a red car and having a small penis for years. Famous crooner Rod Stewart is no exception to the small penis humiliation rule. Rod recently confessed that his “little rod” was made even smaller by taking steroids to combat inflammation of his vocal cords during early concert touring days.

Most men who fantasize about becoming famous rock stars want to get filthy rich as well as bed a bevy of beautiful women. While Rod was getting rich, his rod was being shriveled due to steroid use. Instead of hiding in shame, he publicly advertised to the world he had a small penis by motoring around in his Red Ferrari Enzo, years before he revealed his small penis humiliation! Rod’s little rod and red hot rod belong together! Everyone knows that cruising in a red car is signaling to the world you have a small penis! Talk about total small penis humiliation. Rod claimed that steroids reduce the swelling in any membrane, not just the vocal cords, but also the “membrane” in a guy’s pants. Cue PSA for the biggest reason not to take steroids.

This peen shrinkage news becomes more timely with all the steroid talk in the baseball world making it easy to identify which players are sporting small packages due to ‘roid abuse. Players on MLB’s steroids list are not only going to be publicly humiliated by being suspended, but also sports fans will know each of those players shrunk their peens in order to play ball and get filthy rich. Poor ARod and Ryan Braun are now clearly among the league’s smallest endowed players. Oddly enough, neither drive red sports cars. Yet.

Rod’s Red Hot Rod at a British car show

Birds Poop on Red Cars

Apparently, it’s not humiliating enough to be a man with a small penis driving a red car. According to a new study from the UK, birds poop on red cars more than any other color car. The birds poop on Red cars study wasn’t able to conclusively pinpoint why birds seem to target Red cars more frequently than cars of other colors. The study suggested a few theories, but failed to touch on the one that is quite obvious to me. These instinctive creatures apparently know exactly what women have known for years – that men who drive Red cars have a small penis and need to suffer the humiliation associated with having such an inadequate appendage!!! Bird droppings = small penis humiliation. Park your Red car at the beach and the seagulls will assault your car and make girls laugh even more about your tiny dick or throw you the small dick humiliation pinkie salute when they see you getting into your Red car with the customized polka dotted paint job.

So… not only do short dicked men receive small penis humiliation from girls for driving their Red cars around, but also these men have to contend with the humiliation of birds pooping on their rides more than any other color car!!!

red-car-poop

Red Car Small Penis – Exceptions to the Rules

Red Car Small Penis – Exceptions to the Rules

Does owning or driving a red car necessarily signify that a man has a small penis? Well, there are exceptions to every rule. For instance, a recent blog post here on Red Car Small Penis explored that Kobe Bryant drives a Red Ferrari, but it’s been well documented that he doesn’t lack size. That being said, are there certain categories of men who the Red Car Small Penis rule doesn’t apply to?

Eric Clapton is known for his legendary guitar play, but he’s also known as a collector of expensive sports cars, particularly a custom built Red Ferrari Enzo that cost him well over $4 million. Another extremely wealthy musician who has an extensive red car collection is the drummer for Pink Floyd, Nick Mason. He is known to be fanatical about his cars and has a passion for racing these finely tuned machines. But are these guys advertising that they’re short, short men, or do they just like expensive toys?

Maybe it’s because these guys are über rich and have nothing else to do with their money. The principle that guys who buy Red sports cars automatically have small penises may not apply to super wealthy men who are buying expensive toys to play with as opposed to guys wanting to drive flashy Red small penis size compensation cars to attract females on the streets.

Or maybe there’s a geographical distinction, since these guys are both of English descent. There is a long history of buying sports cars in England, dating back to roadsters in the 20’s. The British didn’t go through the phallocentric auto trends of every decade like Americans have, examples: hot rods, muscle cars, street racers, etc. Buying a Red sports car may be emblematic of the British culture for an appreciation of the sports car, of racing, of good taste. Could Red Car Small Penis say that buying a Red sports car doesn’t automatically equal small penis humiliation for British sports car owners? Like I said to start this entry, there are exceptions to the rules, but one thing is certain, there is a high correlation to driving a Red car with having a small penis. So if you drive a Red sports car, expect to be humiliated by girls flashing the small penis humiliation pinky wave unless you can prove your size. Otherwise take it you’re advertising you’re small where it matters most!

Red Ferrari Knit-Pick

Red Ferrari Pick

There was only one time in the history of my Red Car Small Penis blog that I wrote about a Red Ferrari without mentioning small penis humiliation. And the lone time I wrote about a Red Ferrari without small penis humiliation was??? My news story about the Ferrari Theme Park in the UAE. Nevertheless, you can’t drive this Red Ferrari, you can’t even sit in it or on it, but it’s still a Red Ferrari! Made of twelve miles of mostly red yarn, and nearly a year in the making, this Red Ferrari took longer to make than a factory Ferrari sports car! British art student, Lauren Porter, knit the car as an art project. Her Ferrari sports car art piece had been on exhibit in art galleries and auto shows in the UK and Europe for the past five years. Porter is now retiring it from exhibition and is selling her Red Ferrari knit-knack. And while Porter is hoping her unusual art project will find a home where many can enjoy the life-sized Red Ferrari, money talks! So if a private buyer wishes to buy her hand-knit Red Ferrari, the knit-wit will part with her art for the right price.



Will it be sold to a private buyer with a Red Ferrari sports car fetish who can’t afford the real thing? Will it be sold to a wealthy buyer with Red Car Small Penis syndrome who would like to put it in his man cave or media room as a conversation piece? Or add it to his car collection in his gallery garage as a Red Ferrari small penis humiliation folly? But in any case, the eventual buyer might suffer minor small penis humiliation in buying it, but at least the owner will never be seen driving it!

The Red Car Small Penis Humiliation Trifecta!

Not just one, not just two, but three expensive red collector sportscars? How small is this penis? One car per inch? A vintage red Aston Martin, Porsche and Ferrari collectively smell like small penis humiliation and imported carnauba wax! Parked in their very own no-expense-spared, impeccably designed and racing theme accessorized showroom garage with (likely Italian) marble tile floors…these small penises on Pirelli tires are probably only driven up and down the imported stone driveway. A SoCal friend noted the ocean blue license plates are old pre-1980 California tags probably dating back to the era of the Red small penis cars. Yes, this Red sportsar owner undoubtedly obsesses over such authentic details. These British and European sports cars are ultra primo small penis humiliation toys. And obviously kept hand waxed and buffed to perfection, hmmm do I detect Freudian vicarious small penis masturbation?

Unfortunately, unlike the Malibu ocean view villa I previously blogged about where the savvy owner dangled the free Red Ferrari to anyone who bought the property by a specific date, none of these small penis humiliation cars are part of the deal re: the impressive Northern California estate property replete with garage showroom currently on the market for over seven million dollars. It could be assumed that the owner is hoping to attract another wealthy car collector as the pimped out garage can fit not just three, but six small penis humiliation sports cars.

While this is the first time, Red Car? Small Penis! has hit the Small Penis Trifecta, I doubt it will be the last. Enjoy the Red Car Small Penis humiliation photos!

Small Penis Humiliation Trifecta


Small Penis Red Sports Cars


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