Red Car Mid Life Crisis

One of the major issues in buying and owning a coveted red sports car is learning how to drive a high horsepower vehicle without looking like a horse’s ass. This French Ferrari owner obviously needed a few detailed driving lessons before tooting his small penis mobile around town. In the South of France, there is a popular annual festival of Ferraris where dozens of Ferrari owners show up to show off their powerful and pricey rides. Perhaps a little tip on how to operate the stick shift transmission might have helped this driver do something simple like cross the street without stalling out his spendy ride and drawing humiliation to himself from the auto enthusiasts in the crowd.

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This rich Ferrari owner looks like he bought his red sports car during a desperate mid-life crisis moment. As one of my girlfriends eloquently said: “Forty year old guys with money buy red sports cars, because they think it will help them get laid.” When, ironically, the opposite is true. Buying a red Italian sportster will help mid-life crisis sufferers get small penis humiliation. Girls think these men are pathetic under-hung fools, despite the size of their wallets. And any girls attending this festival, perhaps with an eye out for a man with style and money, will only think this French Ferrari owner is a fool who can’t operate his shiny red penis either. He will have nearly zero chance of getting laid on the tachometer.

Rod’s Little Rod and Red Hot Rod

Rod Stewart Red Ferrari Hot Rod Rods Little Rod and Red Hot Rod

There is no shortage of famous celebs riding around in fiery red sports cars revealing more about themselves than they realize. This blog has been documenting the relationship between driving a red car and having a small penis for years. Famous crooner Rod Stewart is no exception to the small penis humiliation rule. Rod recently confessed that his “little rod” was made even smaller by taking steroids to combat inflammation of his vocal cords during early concert touring days.

Most men who fantasize about becoming famous rock stars want to get filthy rich as well as bed a bevy of beautiful women. While Rod was getting rich, his rod was being shriveled due to steroid use. Instead of hiding in shame, he publicly advertised to the world he had a small penis by tooting around in his Red Ferrari Enzo, years before he revealed his small penis humiliation! Rod’s little rod and red hot rod belong together! Everyone knows that cruising around in a red car is signaling to the world you have a small penis! Talk about total small penis humiliation. Rod claimed that steroids reduce the swelling in any membrane, not just the vocal cords, but also the “membrane” in a guy’s pants. Cue PSA for the biggest reason not to take roids.

This peen shrinkage news becomes more timely with all the steroid talk in the baseball world making it easy to identify which players are sporting small packages due to roid abuse. Players on MLB’s steroids list are not only going to be publicly humiliated by being suspended, but also sports fans will know each of those players shrunk their peens in order to play ball and get filthy rich. Poor ARod and Ryan Braun are now clearly among the league’s smallest endowed players. Oddly enough, neither drive red sports cars. Yet.


Rod’s Red Hot Rod at a British car show

Red Ferraris Popular in China

In China, the Red Ferrari is not the cliche on wheels for the small penis driver, instead, it is the sports car to own and drive as a flashy show of wealth. Yes, it’s true, the Ferrari is the vehicle of choice for the rich in China and the most popular Ferrari paint color in China is Red. Rich Chinese women drive Red Ferraris as status symbols, noted Hannah Rosin, author of “The End of Men and The Rise of Women”. Rich Chinese businessmen and aristocrats buy their adult kids Red Ferraris as symbols of their nouveau riche status, even though the Chinese culture, for the most part, does not condone blatant displays of wealth.

Red Ferrari Chinese Limited Edition

Ferrari manufactured a limited edition run of the Ferrari 458 Italia in Red for the Chinese market only (shown below) and all of the sports cars sold out despite the $954,000 price. However, Ferrari took some heat for their culturally insensitive advertising of the Italia on a section of a Ming Dynasty fortress wall in the city of Nanjing. This advert included a stunt where the depicted Ferrari burned rubber and may have left permanent tire marks defacing the monument. And while Ferrari apologized for their blatant disrespect of the historic wall, it was also revealed that Ferrari had paid the city for the privilege of showcasing the limited edition vehicle. Perhaps, Ferrari reps didn’t mention to officials that they were going to do more than just drive the vehicle up onto the wall’s ramparts for the ad. Since the incident, the word Ferrari was even blocked as a temporary search term in China. Censorship in action!

Chinese Red Ferrari1 Red Ferraris Popular in China

Red Ferraris for Red Royalty

One of the reasons why wealthy Chinese like Red Ferraris is that the young, rich and privileged Chinese are known as Red Royalty. Think of the US and UK equivalent of Blue Blood. Red Royalty are also called princelings, a moniker indicating their family money and upper class status. Thus, the Red Ferrari is the symbol for Red Royalty. See the infographic for more details on the Red Royalty “celebrities” in China (yes, there is a Red Ferrari included!) One wealthy Chinese princeling even claimed he had never driven a Ferrari in defense against the media perception of his elitist playboy reputation.

Red Car Small Penis Infographic 1024x816 Red Ferraris Popular in China

Red Car Porn

The first Cadillac ATS commercial I viewed on Youtube was filmed in a unique locale in China with select footage aerially shot by a red helicopter {gratuitous wink}. The series of four commercials which Cadillac produced to promote their trendy new sedan featured two 30-something dudes craving a red car porn rush. I could only think of three words: small penis humiliation. After viewing the Youtube clip, I wondered if these guys really thought it was that impressive to drive the red Cadillac ATS sports sedan through such a “tight” tunnel. Oh, the subliminal metaphor…

Cadillac spent a lot of money on these commercials to showcase their optional “magnetic ride control suspension”. Cadillac even goes so far as to tout the Cadillac ATS as “the world’s finest luxury compact sport sedan”. However, many aficionados of European luxury sport sedans such as BMWs and Mercedes would definitely disagree. Nevertheless, Cadillac engineers deserve some props for their magnetic ride control development as this adaptive suspension was later integrated by Ferrari and Lamborghini. Typically, American car engineers are behind the curve, not ahead of it. However, the casting of the 30-something adrenaline junkie douches in a series of racy commercials, most likely a marketing ploy to reach that particular male buyer demographic, seems a little desperate, even though the locales of the commercials are beautifully breathtaking. And to be honest, if any guys go out and buy a red Cadillac sedan after watching any of these car porn commercials and attempt to drive their red Caddies like sporty Bimmers to impress chicks, well, that will only be met with small penis humiliation.

Ferris Bueller Car Crash Scene


In the classic 1980′s John Hughes film “Ferris Buellers Day Off”, Ferris Bueller’s best friend, Cameron, blasts his father for caring about his beloved 1961 Red Ferrari California more than his own son. Ferris, Cameron and Sloane (Ferris’ girlfriend) take a joyride in the Ferrari on the eponymous day off, tooting around Chicago. They return the Ferrari to the showroom garage in the modernist home, whereupon Cameron notes that their drive racked up 200 miles on the odometer. He knows this will make his father crazed. His father is anal retentive about the mileage on the Ferrari and it will be obvious that Cameron took the expensive collector car out for a drive. Higher mileage on the collector Ferrari California will also decrease its value. Cameron and Ferris deduce a plan to run the Ferrari in reverse while lifted up with a jack to spin the odometer back. However, as everyone who has watched the film knows, the plan backfires. When Cameron is raving about his father’s obsession with his cars and how he should just stand up to his father and take responsibility for once, he accidentally knocks into the jack and the Ferrari rear wheels fall to the garage floor. Then the Ferrari skids right through the showroom garage plate glass window, crunching tree branches before landing in a ravine below. When the bough breaks, the Ferrari will fall…

A special replica of the 1961 Red Ferrari California was used for the Ferris Bueller Car Crash Scene, since it would have been too expensive to wreck a $350K Ferrari on the relatively small movie budget. Most likely no director, regardless of budget, would wreck a Ferrari when a cheaper replicar could be built and utilized for such a scene. Today’s value for that rare Red Ferrari California is over $10 million dollars which illustrates the value of older collector Ferraris. While there isn’t a relationship of the Red Ferrari to small penis humiliation in this film, the father’s obsession with the car and ultimate destruction of the car holds symbolic value. And while it is open to the audience to imagine what the humiliating confrontation will be like when Cameron’s father finds out the Ferrari has been destroyed, Cameron seems to feel relieved that he has done something so shocking to a car that his father loves, destroying this symbol of displaced parental affection.

Multimillion Dollar Red Ferrari Garage

Red Car Garage Chicago Multimillion Dollar Red Ferrari GarageRed Man Cave Garage Chicago Multimillion Dollar Red Ferrari Garage

This multimillion dollar Red Ferrari garage is valued greater than the Chicago Lake Shore Drive high rise apartment the garage is being sold with! Shocker! The seller is asking $3.4 million for the apartment and garage or a mere $2.1 million if a big spender only wants to snag the spacious subterranean garage. The garage is a 2,700 square foot man cave featuring red floors, red Italian leather sofas and seating plus a full bar decorated in auto racing motif. This is one of the largest collections of car porn aside from famous car porn enthusiast, Jay Leno. And, no, the real estate price doesn’t include the twenty sport cars including Red Ferraris, Porsches or the Austin Healy. It will be interesting to see if this property sells in entirety or if only the one bedroom apartment sells. The likelihood of finding a buyer for the underground garage as a solo real estate purchase in Chicago’s urban lakeside does not seem promising.

The luxurious 67th floor penthouse apartment boasts stellar views of Lake Michigan and the Chicago skyline which along with the car collector garage make this a truly unique piece of Chicago real estate for the “right” buyer. Typically, showroom style garages are custom designed for auto aficionados on large estate properties and are not practical for urban dwellings without the space for a private garage. The owner of this unusual luxe property is a car collector and also a former race car driver who still dabbles in road rallies. The collection of twenty European sports cars, many valued at over a million dollars each, are showcased as if they are in a renowned auto museum. Even the wealthy real estate owner and car connoisseur stated in an interview for ChicagoBusiness.com that the sports cars he collects are “rolling works of art”.

Tiny Car Tiny Price Tag Tiny Penis

Tiny Tata Nano car coming to the U.S.

Are men really oblivious to the signals they send out to the world, especially signals sensitive to women? It’s becoming common knowledge that driving around in a red car is the equivalent of getting a highway billboard ad announcing: “Hey, my penis is the size of an iPod Nano!” Recently, an India based car company, Tata, announced to the world that they want to start selling the Nano in the U.S. Yes, Apple, this Nano is a car. And this pocket-sized car will tentatively retail at only $3,000, thousands less than the disastrous deep discount Yugo which was previously blogged about here at Red Car Small Penis.

Tiny Car Tiny Penis

How much do you Red Car Small Penis blog readers want to bet some men won’t be able to wait for the humiliation of driving around in this micro sized car? The message a man will be sending to the world is that his micro-car with a minuscule price tag is being driven by a mini-man where it counts. And not only that, but everyone will also know that a man’s bank account is tiny if he’s driving around in a car which costs two-thirds less than the cheapest car on the U.S. auto market today. What could be more humiliating than driving one of these Tata Nanos and seeing a bunch of pretty girls pointing and laughing!!! One thing is for sure, if any man does buy this Indian Tata Nano car, it doesn’t even need to be red for them to experience small penis humiliation! Obviously, a case of Tiny Car Tiny Price Tag Tiny Penis!



Rich Kids Red Cars


Car Collection Rich Kids Red Cars

Red Porsche Rich Kids Red Cars

Ferrari RKOI Rich Kids Red Cars

Red Ferrari Enzo Rich Kids Red Cars

Rich Kids of Instagram Blog

The Tumblr blog Rich Kids of Instagram highlights the debauchery and excess of the spawn of the uber wealthy 1% `ers, featuring hashtags including Arm Candy (in this case, expensive designer bracelets and spendy watches) to Bottles and Models (extreme partying with ultra luxe bottles of champagne while accompanied by hot models) and of course, Toys… helicopters, private jets, yachts and sports cars. The most featured sports car color is red, with Ferraris and Lamborghinis being the most popular makes, followed by Porsches, Bentleys and Aston Martins.

Status Symbol Cars

Since these cars are status symbol toys, the red sports car color is all about flash and standing out, not about psychological Red Car Small Penis compensation. These pricey toys are often purchased by Dads as gifts to their Rich Kids or paid for by the rich progeny themselves from trust fund proceeds. The richy rich Dads will often boast flashy sports cars or collector cars in a showroom garage as revealed in Rich Kids of Instagram photo blogs and, yes, within the collection is stereotypically a red sports car or two. Even the Rich Girls have red cars or pink(!) cars, a pepto bismol pink Bentley, a custom pink Dune Buggy… Perhaps RKOI will spin off new blogs titled: Rich Kids Red Cars or Rich Girls Pink Cars.

photos c/o RKOI


Mitt Romney Cars

When Red Car Small Penis blogged about the Romney Girl video in August, we pointed out that the Red Mustang in the video intimated that Mitt had a small penis. Now, it turns out that Mitt actually owns a 2005 Ford Mustang mentioned on several popular blogs as a Red convertible. Red is the color of the Republic party after all. So, Romney Girl accurately depicted the Mitt Romney Red Mustang in her political parody video. Gasp at the small penis humiliation! Let’s continue and …

Mitt Romney Red Cars

… well, let’s give Mitt an iota of cred for owning American cars before we move into more small penis humiliation. Mitt’s American car fetish most likely takes root in his father having been CEO of the now defunct American Motors Corporation. Mitt and his wife, Ann, own the following vehicles: two Cadillacs which Ann drives, one Chevy Silverado pickup truck and one aforementioned Ford Mustang which Mitt drives. Mitt also owns a collector car, a 1963 Rambler Classic manufactured by AMC. Owning this car is most likely a reflection of the nostalgia Mitt feels for the vehicle that his father promoted while running AMC from 1954 through 1962. In another nostalgic gesture, Mitt expressed his desire to buy a sporty red vintage AMC Nash at a car show. Of course, this desire may also be due to Mitt’s small penis size, but Mitt decided against buying this rare classic auto because he felt the $10K price was a little steep for the 1955 Nash Metropolitan depicted in the photo below.

Mitt tried to buy 1955 Nash Metropolitan but 10K was too high Mitt Romney Cars

Midlife Crisis Car?

Update: We received an email at RedCarSmallPenis.com that the Red Mustang convertible which Mitt drives was a birthday gift from Ann to Mitt in 2005. Could the Red Mustang still be a small penis humiliation mobile? Ann would certainly know… Or was this a midlife crisis car birthday gift? Or a symbol of the Republican party? Or all of the above?

Barack Obama Blue Mustang

And was this photo of Barack Obama at an auto show earlier in the year, which a RedCarSmallPenis.com reader sent in, where the President checked out a blue Mustang Shelby GT (600 horsepower), an homage to the Democratic party color and a cock block of Mitt’s Republican Red Mustang?

Barack Obama Blue Mustang Mitt Romney Cars

Birds Poop on Red Cars

Apparently, it’s not humiliating enough to be a man with a small penis driving a red car. According to a new study from the UK, birds poop on red cars more than any other color car. The birds poop on red cars study wasn’t able to conclusively pinpoint why birds seem to target red cars more frequently than cars of other colors. The study suggested a few theories, but failed to touch on the one that is quite obvious to me. These instinctive creatures apparently know exactly what women have known for years – that men who drive red cars have a small penis and need to suffer the humiliation associated with having such an inadequate appendage!!! Bird droppings = small penis humiliation. Park your red car at the beach and the seagulls will assault your car and make girls laugh even more about your tiny dick or throw you the small dick humiliation pinkie salute when they see you getting into your red car with the customized polka dotted paint job.

So… not only do short dicked men receive small penis humiliation from girls for driving their red cars around, but also these men have to contend with the humiliation of birds pooping on their rides more than any other color car!!!

red car poop Birds Poop on Red Cars


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