Red Tesla Small Penis

The driver shelled out $70K for a sporty red Tesla and now will be shelling out for a spendy vacation… in jail, rehab or a mental health facility. The hippie driver came to a full stop in the middle of daytime traffic on PCH in Pacific Palisades. Then, he began stripping off his clothes outside of his car until he was completely au naturel. But, that wasn’t all. For over two hours, the man performed wacky, spacey dance moves while standing on the driver’s seat, showcasing these moves through the open sun roof of his Tesla. Paramedics and beach patrol crew patiently waited for their moment to apprehend the nude Tesla dancer. Mr. Red Tesla Small Penis closed out his hipster performance art walking atop the body of the car. Apres le cinema verite, he was straitjacketed and taken away on a stretcher.

In the meantime, bystanders broke out their cell phone cameras to record the event. The entertaining video and amusing photos are making the rounds in the media and popular social sites including Youtube. Going totally naked in public revealed the driver’s tiny penis. As one video viewer commented, the red Tesla driver’s pubic hair was longer than his naughty bits. Small penis humiliation right there. This red car driver will forever be known for having a mind meltdown on PCH whether it was a mental health issue or drug induced psychosis. And, of course, he will be known for revealing visible proof of “red car small penis” and will live forever in humiliating internet infamy. His only consolation will be that he is most likely rich as hell if he can afford a Tesla and that he can laugh all the way to the bank every day while wheeling around in his red EV. Despite his small penis.

Red Car Mid Life Crisis

One of the major issues in buying and owning a coveted red sports car is learning how to drive a high horsepower vehicle without looking like a horse’s ass. This French Ferrari owner obviously needed a few driving lessons before tooting his small penis mobile around town. In the South of France, there is a popular annual festival of Ferraris where dozens of Ferrari owners show up to show off their powerful and pricey rides. Perhaps a little tip on how to operate the stick shift transmission might have helped this driver do something simple like cross the street without stalling out his spendy ride and drawing humiliation to himself from the auto enthusiasts in the crowd.

This rich Ferrari owner looks like he bought his red sports car during a desperate mid-life crisis moment. As one of my girlfriends eloquently said: “Forty year old guys with money buy red sports cars, because they think it will help them get laid.” When, ironically, the opposite is true. Buying a red Italian sportster will help mid-life crisis sufferers label themselves as (surprise!) mid-life crisis sports car buyers. Ripe for small penis humiliation. Girls think these men are pathetic under-hung fools, despite the size of their wallets. And any girls attending this festival, perhaps with an eagle’s eye out for a man with style and money, will only think this French Ferrari owner is a fool who can’t operate his shiny red penis either. He will have nearly zero chance of getting laid on the tachometer.

Red Ferrari Money Ride

Did these women really fall for the braggadocio bullshit of the wannabe wealthy losers conducting a social experiment using a Red Ferrari as bait? Apparently, they did. Sad, sad, sad. Or maybe these women were undercover golddiggers who wanted to take the owner for a ride, a financial domination ride that is. Since it was a clever prank, recorded for Youtube posterity, you can judge for yourself. These women obviously recognized the red Italian whip is a spendy set of wheels. And that the owner would have to be rich or at worst, leasing it and faking rich. Maybe the Red Ferrari owner’s penis size didn’t matter to them if their nefarious intentions were to hook up with a man with money and get on the golddigger gravy train.

There are obviously women who will sleep with sugar daddies, silverbacks and rich men with small penises for the money and the luxury bump in lifestyle. Maybe golddiggers will laugh about their cash daddies with their besties and get into small penis humiliation girl talk. Rather, they laugh all the way to the bank. Watch the video. Using the Red Ferrari as the trap was so classic. If any other color Ferrari was used, such as black or yellow, it would not have had the same impact as the Red Ferrari.

Chris Brown Car Collection 2014

Chris Brown Red Bugatti Veyron Chris Brown Car Collection 2014

Girls kinda know that guys never grow up. There’s the epic saying about the only difference between men and boys is the size and price of their toys. In this case, scofflaw rapper Chris Brown proves it with a Hot Wheels inspired custom paint job on a Lamborghini. Since Rihanna used to be involved with him and she is a Size Queen known for despising little dicks, it can be deduced that Chris Brown is well hung. Therefore, Red Car Small Penis does not apply to Chris. He’s known for being a dick of a different kind, but obviously a fairly wealthy one, who can afford multiple spendy whips including this Hot Wheels Lambo.

Hot Wheels Lamborghini Chris Brown Car Collection 2014

With a net worth of over 20 million from rapping since he was 14, he has collected some unusual rides in addition to the Hot Wheels big boys sports car, including a custom painted Jet Fighter inspired Lambo, a classy black Range Rover, an uber expensive Red Bugatti Veyron (same color and model that record mogul Birdman owns), a black Porsche Turbo coupe, a blue Porsche Panamera, a Red Lamborghini Aventador and a classic Chevy Impala. New money is always showy. And new money rappers want to show off their wealth. For Chris Brown, his car collection shows it off on wheels.

photo credit of Hot Wheels Lambo – X17Online.com

Red Hello Kitty Smart Car

Hello Kitty Red Car Small Penis Red Hello Kitty Smart Car

Now there is no way in Hell-o Kitty this red car’s driver has a small penis! Antonio Garay, 6′ 4 and 320 pound nose tackle for the New York Jets loves his red Hello Kitty Smart Car. In fact, using the Google predictive search, as soon as you type in his name, the words smart car appear right after. Therefore, he’s searched more for his infamous smart car than his years of NFL stats! He drives this two seater convertible, because he thinks it’s cool. And why not. Everyone probably recognizes the signature ride wherever he goes. His ride is anything but girlie when he’s seated behind the wheel. And there really can be no humiliation here for driving a sensible vehicle. When so many athletes blow their future by overspending on pricey sports car collections, multiple expensive houses and other showy bling, owning a relatively expensive and catchy looking car, is a superior choice. Garay promotes his own way of doing things and displays his own style, including sculpted multi-color artistic hair and customized iPhone cases. Perhaps this style-meister will go into personalized product design after his NFL career is over, if he doesn’t retire on his sports earnings.

Red Car No Attraction

Red Ford Fiesta Red Car No Attraction

Let’s look at a recent UK survey of men’s and women’s impressions of the opposite sex implied by their cars. Survey test subjects were shown two sets of photos. A split group of women were shown specific photos. One group was shown the photo of a man seated in a silver Bentley Continental GT and the other group was shown a photo of the same man seated in a red Ford Fiesta. A split group of men were shown the same woman seated in both of the cars. Women were asked to rate the level of attractiveness of the man. The man seated in the silver Bentley Continental scored much higher than the same man when seated in the red Ford Fiesta. For the men, there was no car bias difference in the woman’s level of attractiveness.

If Red Car Small Penis were to interpret the findings: 1. A spendier ride will make a man appear to be more attractive 2. Women will place a higher degree of attractiveness on a man perceived to have money 3. A man seated in a red car, especially a cheap car, is downgraded for desperately trying to be flashy. And subliminally, you know these women deduced the man had a small penis. Small penis humiliation in action!

Rod’s Little Rod and Red Hot Rod

Rod Stewart Red Ferrari Hot Rod Rods Little Rod and Red Hot Rod

There is no shortage of famous celebs riding around in fiery red sports cars revealing more about themselves than they realize. This blog has been documenting the relationship between driving a red car and having a small penis for years. Famous crooner Rod Stewart is no exception to the small penis humiliation rule. Rod recently confessed that his “little rod” was made even smaller by taking steroids to combat inflammation of his vocal cords during early concert touring days.

Most men who fantasize about becoming famous rock stars want to get filthy rich as well as bed a bevy of beautiful women. While Rod was getting rich, his rod was being shriveled due to steroid use. Instead of hiding in shame, he publicly advertised to the world he had a small penis by tooting around in his Red Ferrari Enzo, years before he revealed his small penis humiliation! Rod’s little rod and red hot rod belong together! Everyone knows that cruising around in a red car is signaling to the world you have a small penis! Talk about total small penis humiliation. Rod claimed that steroids reduce the swelling in any membrane, not just the vocal cords, but also the “membrane” in a guy’s pants. Cue PSA for the biggest reason not to take roids.

This peen shrinkage news becomes more timely with all the steroid talk in the baseball world making it easy to identify which players are sporting small packages due to roid abuse. Players on MLB’s steroids list are not only going to be publicly humiliated by being suspended, but also sports fans will know each of those players shrunk their peens in order to play ball and get filthy rich. Poor ARod and Ryan Braun are now clearly among the league’s smallest endowed players. Oddly enough, neither drive red sports cars. Yet.


Rod’s Red Hot Rod at a British car show

Red Ferraris Popular in China

In China, the Red Ferrari is not the cliche on wheels for the small penis driver, instead, it is the sports car to own and drive as a flashy show of wealth. Yes, it’s true, the Ferrari is the vehicle of choice for the rich in China and the most popular Ferrari paint color in China is Red. Rich Chinese women drive Red Ferraris as status symbols, noted Hannah Rosin, author of “The End of Men and The Rise of Women”. Rich Chinese businessmen and aristocrats buy their adult kids Red Ferraris as symbols of their nouveau riche status, even though the Chinese culture, for the most part, does not condone blatant displays of wealth.

Red Ferrari Chinese Limited Edition

Ferrari manufactured a limited edition run of the Ferrari 458 Italia in Red for the Chinese market only (shown below) and all of the sports cars sold out despite the $954,000 price. However, Ferrari took some heat for their culturally insensitive advertising of the Italia on a section of a Ming Dynasty fortress wall in the city of Nanjing. This advert included a stunt where the depicted Ferrari burned rubber and may have left permanent tire marks defacing the monument. And while Ferrari apologized for their blatant disrespect of the historic wall, it was also revealed that Ferrari had paid the city for the privilege of showcasing the limited edition vehicle. Perhaps, Ferrari reps didn’t mention to officials that they were going to do more than just drive the vehicle up onto the wall’s ramparts for the ad. Since the incident, the word Ferrari was even blocked as a temporary search term in China. Censorship in action!

Chinese Red Ferrari1 Red Ferraris Popular in China

Red Ferraris for Red Royalty

One of the reasons why wealthy Chinese like Red Ferraris is that the young, rich and privileged Chinese are known as Red Royalty. Think of the US and UK equivalent of Blue Blood. Red Royalty are also called princelings, a moniker indicating their family money and upper class status. Thus, the Red Ferrari is the symbol for Red Royalty. See the infographic for more details on the Red Royalty “celebrities” in China (yes, there is a Red Ferrari included!) One wealthy Chinese princeling even claimed he had never driven a Ferrari in defense against the media perception of his elitist playboy reputation.

Red Car Small Penis Infographic 1024x816 Red Ferraris Popular in China

Red Car Porn

The first Cadillac ATS commercial I viewed on Youtube was filmed in a unique locale in China with select footage aerially shot by a red helicopter {gratuitous wink}. The series of four commercials which Cadillac produced to promote their trendy new sedan featured two 30-something dudes craving a red car porn rush. I could only think of three words: small penis humiliation. After viewing the Youtube clip, I wondered if these guys really thought it was that impressive to drive the red Cadillac ATS sports sedan through such a “tight” tunnel. Oh, the subliminal metaphor…

Cadillac spent a lot of money on these commercials to showcase their optional “magnetic ride control suspension”. Cadillac even goes so far as to tout the Cadillac ATS as “the world’s finest luxury compact sport sedan”. However, many aficionados of European luxury sport sedans such as BMWs and Mercedes would definitely disagree. Nevertheless, Cadillac engineers deserve some props for their magnetic ride control development as this adaptive suspension was later integrated by Ferrari and Lamborghini. Typically, American car engineers are behind the curve, not ahead of it. However, the casting of the 30-something adrenaline junkie douches in a series of racy commercials, most likely a marketing ploy to reach that particular male buyer demographic, seems a little desperate, even though the locales of the commercials are beautifully breathtaking. And to be honest, if any guys go out and buy a red Cadillac sedan after watching any of these car porn commercials and attempt to drive their red Caddies like sporty Bimmers to impress chicks, well, that will only be met with small penis humiliation.

Ferris Bueller Car Crash Scene


In the classic 1980’s John Hughes film “Ferris Buellers Day Off”, Ferris Bueller’s best friend, Cameron, blasts his father for caring about his beloved 1961 Red Ferrari California more than his own son. Ferris, Cameron and Sloane (Ferris’ girlfriend) take a joyride in the Ferrari on the eponymous day off, tooting around Chicago. They return the Ferrari to the showroom garage in the modernist home, whereupon Cameron notes that their drive racked up 200 miles on the odometer. He knows this will make his father crazed. His father is anal retentive about the mileage on the Ferrari and it will be obvious that Cameron took the expensive collector car out for a drive. Higher mileage on the collector Ferrari California will also decrease its value. Cameron and Ferris deduce a plan to run the Ferrari in reverse while lifted up with a jack to spin the odometer back. However, as everyone who has watched the film knows, the plan backfires. When Cameron is raving about his father’s obsession with his cars and how he should just stand up to his father and take responsibility for once, he accidentally knocks into the jack and the Ferrari rear wheels fall to the garage floor. Then the Ferrari skids right through the showroom garage plate glass window, crunching tree branches before landing in a ravine below. When the bough breaks, the Ferrari will fall…

A special replica of the 1961 Red Ferrari California was used for the Ferris Bueller Car Crash Scene, since it would have been too expensive to wreck a $350K Ferrari on the relatively small movie budget. Most likely no director, regardless of budget, would wreck a Ferrari when a cheaper replicar could be built and utilized for such a scene. Today’s value for that rare Red Ferrari California is over $10 million dollars which illustrates the value of older collector Ferraris. While there isn’t a relationship of the Red Ferrari to small penis humiliation in this film, the father’s obsession with the car and ultimate destruction of the car holds symbolic value. And while it is open to the audience to imagine what the humiliating confrontation will be like when Cameron’s father finds out the Ferrari has been destroyed, Cameron seems to feel relieved that he has done something so shocking to a car that his father loves, destroying this symbol of displaced parental affection.


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