Lambo Inferno

Lamborghini Huracan a Fuoco. No, the Lamborghini wasn’t fucked, it was on fire. A classic comedy film gag where a car drives away from a gas station dragging a gas hose unbeknownst to the driver happened in reality. In this case, it was caught on video. A man was taping the shocking presence of two Lamborghinis at a gas station at the same time, not shocking in Milan or Malibu, but exceptionally shocking in rural Missouri. Then one of the Lambos burst into flames. No fault of its own, the Lamborghini Huracan had been sprayed with fuel from the gas pump feed as the minivan drove away dragging the gas hose behind. Luckily, both Lambo owners were in the mini-mart.

But how did the red Lamborghini Performante escape a fiery fate? It was just pure luck the $400K blue coupe ignited while the red two-seater escaped a burning demise. The owner of the red rizzi owns a luxury car dealership and transportation firm. Because expensive luxury cars don’t get trucked around via typical car carriers! And the true humiliation here? The humiliated minivan driver driving away with the gas hose dragging behind, causing an inferno which burned a $400K Italian sportscar.

Red Ferrari Mid Life Crisis

In the South of France, there is a popular annual festival of Ferraris where dozens of Ferrari owners show up to show off their powerful and pricey whips. La Grande Motte Festival of Ferraris benefits the Lions Club International which supports various charity efforts. However, women like me can’t let the charitable underpinnings of this event deter us from calling this festival the “Red Ferrari Mid Life Crisis” Fest.

Most Ferrari owners look like they bought their red sports cars during desperate mid-life crisis moments. As one of my girlfriends eloquently stated: “Forty year old guys with money buy red sportscars, because they think it will help them get laid.” When, ironically, the opposite is true. Buying a red Italian sportster will help mid-life crisis sufferers label themselves as (surprise!) mid-life crisis sports car buyers. Ripe for small penis humiliation and exploitation, European women view these men as under-hung fools, despite the size of their wallets. And only Euro golddiggers with an eagle eye for a man with money, will overlook Red Ferrari owner penis size in favor of wallet size.

Red Car Love Story

Erotic hypnosis has found its way into mainstream advertising. It is well known that advertising utilizes covert elements of hypno and brainwashing. However, this Alfa Romeo Love Story ad features an erotic hypnosis voice track synched to a red Alfa Romeo 4C coupe cruising along a picturesque coast. This ad could have been filmed on Pacific Coast Highway, but it could have been filmed somewhere along the coast of Italy. The sexy hypno track is the perfect audio accompaniment to the sensual lines of the Alfa Romeo coupe. Red sexual signaling abounds.

Obviously, Alfa Romeo advertising is working because the Italian car manufacturer experienced the highest auto sales surge overall in 2017 in the USA according to Bloomberg News.

Red Jet Small Taxes

Formula One superstar driver Lewis Hamilton, rumored to be well-hung, is now endowed with a red jet. Only a black stud could zip around in a red jet without a single trace of “Red Jet Small Penis” humiliation. To Hamilton, it’s transpo and flash without taxes since his advisers found a creative way for him to avoid adding to the Queen’s coffers. Find out more about Hamilton’s UK VAT tax strategy on Business Insider. And find more pics of Lewis with his spendy private jet on his Instagram @lewishamilton

red car small penis humor

photo c/o Lewis Hamilton Instagram

In case you missed it, a Red Car Small Penis owner who found a nifty tax dodge

Red Ferraris Popular in China

In China, the Red Ferrari is not the cliche on wheels for the small penis driver, instead, it is the sports car to own and drive as a flashy show of wealth. Yes, it’s true, the Ferrari is the vehicle of choice for the rich in China and the most popular Ferrari paint color in China is Red. Rich Chinese women drive Red Ferraris as status symbols, noted Hannah Rosin, author of “The End of Men and The Rise of Women”. Rich Chinese businessmen and aristocrats buy their adult kids Red Ferraris as symbols of their nouveau riche status, even though the Chinese culture, for the most part, does not condone blatant displays of wealth.

Red Ferrari Chinese Limited Edition

Ferrari manufactured a limited edition run of the Ferrari 458 Italia in Red for the Chinese market only (shown below) and all of the sports cars sold out despite the $954,000 price. However, Ferrari took some heat for their culturally insensitive advertising of the Italia on a section of a Ming Dynasty fortress wall in the city of Nanjing. This advert included a stunt where the depicted Ferrari burned rubber and may have left permanent tire marks defacing the monument. And while Ferrari apologized for their disrespect of the historic wall, it was also revealed that Ferrari had paid the city for the privilege of showcasing the limited edition vehicle. Perhaps, Ferrari reps didn’t mention to officials that they were going to do more than just drive the vehicle up onto the wall’s ramparts for the ad. Since the incident, the word Ferrari was even blocked as a temporary search term in China. Censorship in action!

Chinese Red Ferrari

Red Ferraris for Red Royalty

One of the reasons why wealthy Chinese like Red Ferraris is that the young, rich and privileged Chinese are known as Red Royalty. Think of the US and UK equivalent of Blue Blood. Red Royalty are also called princelings, a moniker indicating their family money and upper class status. Thus, the Red Ferrari is the symbol for Red Royalty. Right click Open in a New Tab on the Infographic below for more details on the Red Royalty “celebrities” in China (yes, there is a Red Ferrari included!) One wealthy Chinese princeling even claimed he had never driven a Ferrari in defense against the media perception of his elitist playboy reputation.

Red Car Small Penis Infographic

Flashy Cars? Flashy Cash!

You know what they say… most of the time it’s true. Men buy flashy cars to get attention and to get over their 40-something issues. Women experience menopause, so do men! Miss Anna knows all about this phenomenon, she talks about it online, because she has so many members in midlife crisis. She was telling me about how many men are willing to serve her and impress her with their flashy cash, their own versions of red car offerings for their Mistress. Follow her on Twitter @mistressnylons

From jewelry to gift cards to financial domination tributes, Mistress Anna receives it all. She knows how to work these vulnerable men, how to make these money slaves happy and reward them for being loyal and surprising their Mistress with lots of gifts. She can train any man to become anything she wants. She is young and sexy and she loves older men with flashy red cars and flashy cash. And she loves to laugh at their small penises, haha! You can even see some of their small penis pics on her blog if you dare to look!

mistress nylons

Red Tesla Small Penis

He shelled out $70K for a sporty red Tesla and will now be shelling out for a spendy vacation… in jail, rehab or a mental health facility. The hippie driver came to a full stop in the middle of daytime traffic on PCH in Pacific Palisades. He began stripping off his clothes outside of his car until he was completely au naturel. But that wasn’t all. For over two hours, the man performed wacky, spacey dance moves while standing on the driver’s seat, showcasing these moves through the open sun roof of his Tesla. Paramedics and beach patrol crew patiently waited for an opportunity to apprehend him. Mr. Red Tesla Small Penis closed out his hipster performance art walking atop the body of the car. Apres le cinema verite, he was straitjacketed and taken away on a stretcher.

In the meantime, bystanders broke out their cell phone cameras to record the event. The entertaining videos and photos are making the rounds in the media and popular social sites including Youtube. Going totally naked in public revealed the driver’s tiny penis. As one video viewer commented, the red Tesla driver’s pubic hair was longer than his naughty bits. Small penis humiliation right there. This red car driver will forever be known for having a mind meltdown on PCH whether it was a mental health issue or drug interlude. And, of course, he will be known for revealing visible proof of “red car small penis” and live forever in humiliating internet infamy. His only consolation will be that he is most likely well-heeled if he can afford a Tesla and that he can laugh all the way to the bank while wheeling around in his red EV. Despite his small penis.

Red Ferrari Money Ride

Did these women really fall for the braggadocio of the wannabe wealthy losers conducting a social experiment using a Red Ferrari as bait? Apparently, they did. Sad, sad, sad. These women revealed themselves to be opportunists or golddiggers who would take the owners for a ride, a financial domination ride that is. Since it was a clever prank, recorded for Youtube posterity, you can judge for yourself. These women obviously recognized the red Italian whip as a spendy set of wheels. Their impression was that the owner would have to be rich. However, they didn’t consider that the owner could be leasing it and faking rich or even worse, a prankster. Maybe the Red Ferrari owner’s penis size didn’t matter to them if their nefarious intentions were to get on the golddigger gravy train.

There are obviously women who will sleep with sugar daddies, silverbacks and rich men with small penises for the luxury lifestyle. Using the Red Ferrari as the trap was so classic. If any other color Ferrari was used, such as black or yellow, it would not have had the same allure as the Red Ferrari.

Chris Brown Car Collection

Chris Brown Red Bugatti Veyron

Girls know that guys never grow up. Consider the epic saying about the only difference between men and boys is the size and price of their toys. In this case, scofflaw rapper Chris Brown proves it with a Hot Wheels inspired custom paint job on a Lamborghini. Since Rihanna used to be involved with him and she is a Size Queen known for despising little dicks, it can be deduced that Chris Brown is well hung. Therefore, Red Car Small Penis does not apply to Chris. He’s known for being a dick of a different kind, but obviously a fairly wealthy one, who can afford multiple expensive whips including this Hot Wheels Lambo.

Hot Wheels Lamborghini

With a net worth of over 20 million from rapping since he was 14, he has collected some unusual rides in addition to the Hot Wheels big boy sports car, including a custom painted Jet Fighter inspired Lambo, a classy black Range Rover, an uber expensive Red Bugatti Veyron (same color and model that record mogul Birdman owns), a black Porsche Turbo coupe, a blue Porsche Panamera, a Red Lamborghini Aventador and a classic Chevy Impala. New money is always showy. And new money rappers want to show off their wealth. For Chris Brown, his car collection shows off his wealth on on wheels.

photo credit of Hot Wheels Lambo – X17Online.com

Red Hello Kitty Smart Car

Hello Kitty Red Car

Now there is no way in Hell-o Kitty this red car’s driver has a small penis! Antonio Garay, 6′ 4 and 320 pound nose tackle for the New York Jets loves his red Hello Kitty Smart Car. In fact, using the Google predictive search, as soon as you type in his name, the words smart car appear right after. Therefore, he is searched more for his infamous smart car than his years of NFL stats! He drives this two-seater convertible, because he thinks it’s cool. And why not. Everyone recognizes the signature ride wherever he goes. His whip is anything but girlie when he’s seated behind the wheel. And there can be no humiliation for driving a sensible vehicle. When so many athletes blow their futures by overspending on pricey sports car collections, expensive cribs and other showy bling, owning a relatively inexpensive and catchy looking car is a superior choice. Garay promotes his own way of doing things while displaying his personal style, including sculpted multi-color artsy hair and customized iPhone cases. Perhaps this style-meister will go into personalized product design after his NFL career is over.


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