Ferris Bueller Car Crash Scene

In the classic 1980’s John Hughes film “Ferris Buellers Day Off”, Ferris Bueller’s best friend, Cameron, blasts his father for caring about his beloved 1961 Red Ferrari California more than his own son. Ferris, Cameron and Sloane (Ferris’ girlfriend) take a joyride in the Ferrari on the eponymous day off, tooting around Chicago. They return the Ferrari to the showroom garage in the modernist home, whereupon Cameron notes that their drive racked up 200 miles on the odometer. He knows this will make his father crazed. His father is anal retentive about the mileage on the Ferrari and it will be obvious that Cameron took the expensive collector car out for a drive. Higher mileage on the collector Ferrari California would decrease its value. Cameron and Ferris deduce a plan to run the Ferrari in reverse while lifted up with a jack to spin the odometer back. However, as everyone who has watched the film knows, the plan backfires. When Cameron is raving about his father’s obsession with his cars and how he should just stand up to his father and take responsibility for once, he accidentally knocks into the jack and the Ferrari rear wheels fall to the garage floor. Then the Ferrari skids right through the showroom garage plate glass window, crunching tree branches before landing in a ravine below. When the bough breaks, the Ferrari will fall…

A special replica of the 1961 Red Ferrari California was used for the Ferris Bueller Car Crash Scene, since it would have been too expensive to wreck a $350K Ferrari on the relatively small movie budget. Most likely no director, regardless of budget, would wreck a Ferrari when a cheaper replicar could be built and utilized for such a scene. Today’s value for that rare Red Ferrari California is over $10 million dollars which illustrates the value of older collector Ferraris. While there isn’t a relationship of the Red Ferrari to small penis humiliation in this film, the father’s obsession with the car and ultimate destruction of the car holds symbolic value. And while it is open to the audience to imagine what the humiliating confrontation will be like when Cameron’s father finds out the Ferrari has been destroyed, Cameron seems to feel relieved that he has done something so shocking to a car that his father loves, destroying this symbol of displaced parental affection.

Multimillion Dollar Red Ferrari Garage

Red Car Garage ChicagoRed Man Cave Garage Chicago

This multimillion dollar Red Ferrari garage is valued greater than the Chicago Lake Shore Drive high rise apartment the garage is being sold with! Shocker! The seller is asking $3.4 million for the apartment and garage or a mere $2.1 million if a big spender only wants to snag the spacious subterranean garage. The garage is a 2,700 square foot man cave featuring red floors, red Italian leather sofas and seating plus a full bar decorated in auto racing motif. This is one of the largest collections of car porn aside from famous car enthusiast, Jay Leno. And, no, the real estate price doesn’t include the twenty sport cars including Red Ferraris, Porsches or the Austin Healy. It will be interesting to see if this property sells in entirety or if only the one bedroom apartment sells. The likelihood of finding a buyer for the underground garage as a solo real estate purchase in Chicago’s urban lakeside does not seem promising.

The luxurious 67th floor penthouse apartment boasts stellar views of Lake Michigan and the Chicago skyline which along with the car collector garage make this a truly unique piece of Chicago real estate for the “right” buyer. Typically, showroom style garages are custom designed for auto aficionados on large estate properties and are not practical for urban dwellings without the space for a private garage. The owner of this unusual luxe property is a car collector and also a former race car driver who still dabbles in road rallies. The collection of twenty European sports cars, many valued at over a million dollars each, are showcased as if they are in a renowned auto museum. Even the wealthy real estate owner and car connoisseur stated in an interview for ChicagoBusiness.com that the sports cars he collects are “rolling works of art”.

Tiny Car Tiny Price Tag Tiny Penis

Tiny Tata Nano car coming to the U.S.

Are men really oblivious to the signals they send out to the world, especially signals sensitive to women? It’s becoming common knowledge that driving around in a red car is the equivalent of getting a highway billboard ad announcing: “Hey, my penis is the size of an iPod Nano!” Recently, an India-based car company, Tata, announced to the world that they want to start selling the Nano in the U.S. Yes, Apple, this Nano is a car. And this pocket-sized car will tentatively retail at only $3,000, thousands less than the disastrous deep discount Yugo which was previously blogged about here at Red Car Small Penis.

Tiny Car Tiny Penis

How much do you Red Car Small Penis blog readers want to bet some men won’t be able to wait for the humiliation of driving around in this micro sized car? The message a man will be sending to the world is that his micro-car is being driven by a mini-man where it counts. And not only that, but everyone will also know that a man’s bank account is tiny if he’s driving around in a car which costs two-thirds less than the cheapest car on the U.S. auto market today. What could be more humiliating than driving one of these Tata Nanos and seeing a bunch of pretty girls pointing and laughing!!! One thing is for sure, if any man buys this Indian Tata Nano car, it doesn’t even need to be red for them to experience small penis humiliation! Obviously, a case of Tiny Car Tiny Price Tag Tiny Penis!

Rich Kids Red Cars

Car Collection

Red Porsche

Ferrari RKOI

Red Ferrari Enzo

Rich Kids of Instagram Blog

The Tumblr blog Rich Kids of Instagram highlights the debauchery and excess of the spawn of the uber wealthy 1% `ers, featuring hashtags including Arm Candy (in this case, expensive designer bracelets and spendy watches) to Bottles and Models (extreme partying with ultra luxe bottles of champagne while accompanied by hot models) and of course, Toys… helicopters, private jets, yachts and sports cars. The most featured sports car color is Red, with Ferraris and Lamborghinis being the most popular makes, followed by Porsches, Bentleys and Aston Martins.

Status Symbol Cars

Since these cars are status symbol toys, the Red sports car color is all about flash and standing out, not about psychological Red Car Small Penis compensation. These pricey toys are often purchased by Dads as gifts to their Rich Kids or paid for by the rich progeny themselves from trust fund proceeds. The rich Dads of the RKOI will often boast flashy sports cars or collector cars in a showroom garage as revealed in Rich Kids of Instagram pics. And yes, within the collection is stereotypically a Red sports car or two. Even the Rich Girls have Red cars or pink(!) cars, a pepto bismol pink Bentley, a custom pink Dune Buggy… Perhaps RKOI will spin off new blogs titled: Rich Kids Red Cars or Rich Girls Pink Cars.

photos c/o RKOI

Mitt Romney Cars

When Red Car Small Penis blogged about the Romney Girl video in August, we pointed out that the Red Mustang in the video intimated that Mitt had a small penis. Now, it turns out that Mitt actually owns a 2005 Ford Mustang mentioned on several popular blogs as a Red convertible. Red is the color of the Republic party after all. So, Romney Girl accurately depicted the Mitt Romney Red Mustang in her political parody video. Gasp at the small penis humiliation! Let’s continue and …

Mitt Romney Red Cars

… well, let’s give Mitt an iota of cred for owning American cars before we move into more small penis humiliation. Mitt’s American car fetish most likely takes root in his father having been CEO of the now defunct American Motors Corporation. Mitt and his wife, Ann, own the following vehicles: two Cadillacs which Ann drives, one Chevy Silverado pickup truck and one aforementioned Ford Mustang which Mitt drives. Mitt also owns a collector car, a 1963 Rambler Classic manufactured by AMC. Owning this car is most likely a reflection of the nostalgia Mitt feels for the vehicle that his father promoted while running AMC from 1954 through 1962. In another nostalgic gesture, Mitt expressed his desire to buy a sporty red vintage AMC Nash at a car show. Of course, this desire may also be due to Mitt’s small penis size, but Mitt decided against buying this rare classic auto because he felt the $10K price was a little steep for the 1955 Nash Metropolitan depicted in the photo below.

Mitt tried to buy 1955 Nash Metropolitan but 10K was too high

Midlife Crisis Car?

Update: We received an email at RedCarSmallPenis.com that the Red Mustang convertible which Mitt drives was a birthday gift from Ann to Mitt in 2005. Could the Red Mustang still be a small penis humiliation mobile? Ann would certainly know… Or was this a midlife crisis car birthday gift? A symbol of the Republican party? Or all of the above?

Barack Obama Blue Mustang

And was this photo of Barack Obama at an auto show earlier in the year, which a RedCarSmallPenis.com reader sent in, where the President checked out a blue Mustang Shelby GT (600 horsepower), an homage to the Democratic party color and a cock block of Mitt’s Republican Red Mustang?

Barack Obama Blue Mustang

Birds Poop on Red Cars

Apparently, it’s not humiliating enough to be a man with a small penis driving a red car. According to a new study from the UK, birds poop on red cars more than any other color car. The birds poop on Red cars study wasn’t able to conclusively pinpoint why birds seem to target Red cars more frequently than cars of other colors. The study suggested a few theories, but failed to touch on the one that is quite obvious to me. These instinctive creatures apparently know exactly what women have known for years – that men who drive Red cars have a small penis and need to suffer the humiliation associated with having such an inadequate appendage!!! Bird droppings = small penis humiliation. Park your Red car at the beach and the seagulls will assault your car and make girls laugh even more about your tiny dick or throw you the small dick humiliation pinkie salute when they see you getting into your Red car with the customized polka dotted paint job.

So… not only do short dicked men receive small penis humiliation from girls for driving their Red cars around, but also these men have to contend with the humiliation of birds pooping on their rides more than any other color car!!!

red-car-poop

Does Penis Size Matter

Nothing tells the world you have a small penis more than driving a Red Ferrari sports car around SoCal. And if you’re Ashton Kutcher, not all the millions you have accumulated from your films, tv shows and successful tech deals can make up for having a small penis. Not even having Mila Kunis as your new girlfriend can serve as sweet solace for lacking in size. When women are asked: Does Penis Size Matter – the blazing majority would answer: Size Matters. Obviously, size doesn’t matter to Mila Kunis, since her former long-term boyfriend was McCaulay Culkin. Mila Kunis must truly fall in love and love is blind and blind to penis size. Hmmm, maybe Mila Kunis does choose her boyfriends for size, wallet size, that is. Jumping from Culkin to Kutcher represented a 10x net worth boyfriend leap to $140 million. Nice!

Ashton Kutcher Red Ferrari Penis Size Matter

Ashton Kutcher first popped up on the Red Car Small Penis radar when he bought a Red International Pickup Truck, the largest pickup truck in production at the time. It’s true! Red Truck Small Penis and Big Truck Small Penis. Double tiny cock whammy for Ashton. And now with his Red Ferrari, Ashton Kutcher continues to buy small penis humiliation on four wheels.

Mitt Romney Red Car Video

In this clever political satire video by Romney Girl (check her out at RomneyGirl.org), the hot blond Romney Girl dresses as the Swiss Miss (a little homage to Mitt’s Swiss bank accounts) while singing along to Aqua’s “Barbie Girl” melody. Romney Girl has penned witty and sarcastic new lyrics to the Aqua tune, bashing Mitt for his bourgeois lifestyle, hiding his millions in overseas bank accounts, going “taxless”, silver tipping his hair and more. In the opening of the video, she skips up to Mitt in his Red Mustang and asks him “do you have something to hide” which in addition to the money he has stashed in offshore accounts and the tax returns he won’t reveal, could Romney Girl be hinting at: Mitt is also hiding a small penis! Why else would she have artfully placed the Mitt Romney lookalike in a Red sports car unless… Mitt Romney Red Car Small Penis!

Mitt and the Swiss Miss Barbie Girl ride around in New York City and various high faluting or fellating places like a mansion with bubbling spa, champagne that popped its foamy money shot and a yacht club. Supposedly Mitt owns a Red Mustang convertible, a midlife crisis birthday gift from his wife! Check out my new favorite small penis humiliation video, Romney Girl, on Youtube. Oops, it seems that Universal Music Group didn’t enjoy the parody of Aqua’s “Barbie Girl” that Romney Girl used in her video and so the evil corporate magnates (Republicans?) requested that Youtube take down the video.

from a Red Car Small Penis blog reader: yes you are right, it’s New York City. the bank is Chase Bank, where you see the flag flying across the building with pillars is the New York Stock Exchange, the bull is a symbol of the bull market for Wall Street and I’m pretty sure where the boats are moored is Chelsea Piers…

Red Ferrari Crash

Six years ago Swedish gangster Bo Stefan Eriksson claimed the million dollar Red Ferrari Enzo that crashed and split in half on Pacific Coast Highway in Malibu had been driven by a mysterious German driver he dubbed “Dietrich”. In this cinema stunt-worthy crash, the gangsta from Svenska also claimed he was just the passenger. After the Red Ferrari crash, Eriksson suffered the humiliation of being booked on multiple charges including illegal gun possession and two counts of embezzlement related to his sketchy dealings with exotic cars. Eriksson pleaded no contest to the charges and was sentenced to three years in the klink. Eriksson should have truly considered himself lucky as he could have been killed, instead, he walked away from the spectacular 120 mph high speed crash, attesting to the quality of the Ferrari’s design safety. The Red Ferrari, shown in the photo, was literally sheared in half as if cut by a cake knife.

Red Ferrari Small Penis

Flash forward now six years later. The police chose not to engage a speeding driver of a Mercedes in Beverly Hills for traffic safety reasons, but the 5-0 located him later. As it turned out, this was the mysterious “Dietrich”, only his real name is Trevor Karney. Ironically, Karney claims to have been the passenger in the original Red Ferrari smash-up. Two passengers, one Ferrari. What, no driver? Karney has no fixed address, but states he lives on a boat in Marina del Rey. Shades of Sonny Crockett and Miami Vice, chez California. But Crockett primarily drove a white 1986 Ferrari Testarossa. And now to continue with the cake knife metaphor, a cake that commemorated the crash, complete with a bottle of Absolut. Let them eat a Red Ferrari Enzo cake, but wash it down with some Swedish vodka!

Red Ferrari Cake

Red Car Big Dick

When I write Red Car Big Dick, in this case, I refer to dick in the pejorative, not the anatomical sense. Check out the Red Ferrari 458 driver in New York City who tried to dick his way out of a parking ticket by driving away from the police officer who had warned the driver, Julien Chabbott, to remain on the sidewalk while the ticket was issued. The Ferrari owner, an app developer who co-developed the app known as Line Snob, didn’t heed the police officer’s directive and even tried to drive away, running over part of the officer’s foot. Hmmm did he think he could get away sans ticket after pulling that smooth move? When he’s in line to be arraigned by a judge, will he be able to use his Line Snob app and jump the line?

Yes, his Line Snob app’s theme is where to go to shop, party or travel without long waits in lines. Wonder if he thought about the line to get fingerprinted and have his mug shot photo taken as well. The icing on the Red Car Small Penis humiliation cake is when he’s getting dragged off to some NYC police station, his blonde eye candy piece, Stephanie Pratt, from the tv show “The Hills” (Spencer Pratt’s sister, yes that Spencer Pratt of the famewhore duo Heidi and Spencer) takes off in the Red Ferrari valued at over $250K. Small penis humiliation as this was all captured on Youtube and the humiliating Youtube video has over 2,100,000 views and counting. Nothing like millions of people knowing: Red Car Big Dick.

Youtube video credit: Damian Morys
Facebook: www.facebook.com/DamianMorysPhotos

Update: Chabbott now claims that a valet was negligent in not parking his Ferrari and that the police officer erred in writing him a ticket. It would seem a simple explanation to the officer and confirmation by the hotel or valet would support the scenario instead of Chabbott trying to drive away and blow off the ticket.


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