Posts Tagged ‘California’
Kobe Bryant Red Ferrari – Small Penis Humiliation Exception
Kobe Bryant is well-endowed both in the pants and in the wallet, although perhaps not so well-endowed in the wallet post-divorce to Vanessa Bryant. Kobe isn’t quite in the age bracket of the mid-life crisis red sports car buyer. But he is in the category of divorce consolation red sports car buyer dropping nearly $285K on a Red Ferrari 458. Kobe’s speedy new red toy goes from zero to sixty in 3.2 seconds. How much do you want to bet he’s tested this to be sure he got his money’s worth?
Only a few men who buy expensive red sports cars are so cocksure of themselves and their penis size, that the red color choice isn’t even a small penis humiliation issue. No woman seeing Kobe Bryant cruising in his Ferrari 458 is going to be thinking Kobe has a small penis or thinking they should give the small penis humiliation pinkie wave. Instead, they are going to be yelling: Kobeeee!!! hoping to get the baller’s attention. Although lately, the only woman who seems to have been getting Kobe Bryant’s attention has been his ex-wife! Yes, there are reports and photos of Kobe and Vanessa getting kissy kissy and rumors that they might be making up…
Red Car Small Penis Humiliation Not for Girls
Red Car Small Penis Humiliation is not for girls. Girls can drive whatever sportscar in whatever car color they desire without fear of humiliation or being seen as overcompensating. In fact, when girls drive a red car, it’s viewed as a sexual signal, as in red hot! There’s an old song by Prince, Sweet Little Red Corvette, that is basically about a girl’s sexuality being tied into red car symbolism. Girls can motor around in a Red Corvette, Porsche or Ferrari and the only thing guys will think is, well, let’s just say guys will not be thinking, they will be reacting!
So on Black Friday, Paris Hilton gave herself a very expensive gift, a $277,000 Red Ferrari sportscar. Now that Paris has broken up with her wealthy Vegas club magnate fiance, Paris must need to console herself and advertise that she’s a hot ride with a hot ride. Nothing advertises a girl on the prowl for sex more than when she’s cruising around in an expensive red Italian sportscar. But perhaps there is some humiliation and overcompensation in Paris Hilton buying a red sports car? Obviously, it wouldn’t be small penis humiliation or size overcompensation, but… Recently, Paris didn’t handle an interview very well where the interviewer asked her if she felt irrelevant (having been replaced by Kim Kardashian). In fact, Paris was embarrassed and humiliated on live national tv. So perhaps, out of humiliation for being accused of irrelevancy, and to overcompensate, Paris decided to console herself and get spendy on a sports car.
Red Cars, Small Penis Humiliation
My Red Car Small Penis blog missed the small penis humiliation trifecta on this red car find! However, with two out of three cars in “small penis” red, I would bet the owner of these three cars is well endowed with cash, but not so well endowed with penis size. At first, I thought these three sports cars were parked in a primo showroom garage. As it turns out, the garage is not an actual garage, but an art gallery which can park up to 30 collectible cars! Without a panoramic view of the art gallery garage, it’s hard to imagine the magnitude of a space 10 times the size depicted.
As for the cars, my Red Car Small Penis automotive expert identified a newer Red Ferrari, a classic Red Porsche coupe and an uber classic gull-wing door silver Mercedes roadster. It seems a shame to waste the newer Red Ferrari in a collector car garage, that sports car should be driven! If for no other reason than small penis humiliation! This art gallery collector car garage is located in Santa Barbara, California, in a renowned “architectural” house currently listed on the market for over 20 million dollars. Yes, you read that dollar figure right. Unlike the Malibu, California beach house, where the seller was using a free Red Ferrari as small penis humiliation buyer bait, none of these cars are being used to seduce a buyer with big cash, small penis.
photo c/o MLS.com
The Red Car Small Penis Humiliation Trifecta!
Not just one, not just two, but three expensive red collector sportsars? How small is this penis? One car per inch? A vintage red Aston Martin, Porsche and Ferrari collectively smell like small penis humiliation and imported carnauba wax! Parked in their very own no-expense-spared, impeccably designed and racing theme accessorized showroom garage with (likely Italian) marble tile floors…these small penises on Pirelli tires are probably only driven up and down the imported stone driveway. A SoCal friend noted the ocean blue license plates are old pre-1980 California tags probably dating back to the era of the red small penis cars. Yes, this red sportsar owner undoubtedly obsesses over such authentic details. These British and European sports cars are ultra primo small penis humiliation toys. And obviously kept hand waxed and buffed to perfection, hmmm do I detect Freudian vicarious small penis masturbation?
Unfortunately, unlike the Malibu ocean view villa I previously blogged about where the savvy owner dangled the free Red Ferrari to anyone who bought the property by a specific date, none of these small penis humiliation cars are part of the deal re: the impressive Northern California estate property replete with garage showroom currently on the market for over seven million dollars. It could be assumed that the owner is hoping to attract another wealthy car collector as the pimped out garage can fit not just three, but six small penis humiliation sports cars.
While this is the first time, Red Car? Small Penis! has hit the Small Penis Trifecta, I doubt it will be the last. Enjoy the red car small penis humiliation photos!
The Bigger the Car, the Smaller You Are?
How much does the size choice of a man’s car equate to his penis size?
Comedienne Sarah Silverman’s father tweets about life from Boca Raton, Florida. You can actually see where her sardonic sense of humor comes from, if you follow him on his RantsFromBoca Twitter. One of his recent tweets:
Boca rumor has it the bigger the car the smaller the penis. So why am I driving a Prius? Maybe it isn’t applicable if you are 73.
A red Prius was a virtual joke-mobile for actors Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg playing farcical French Connection-esque cops in last year’s comedy film “The Other Guys”. The red Prius took the brunt of “small” jokes intimating small penis humiliation.
And the Prius, perhaps due to its name, a five letter word that sounds like Penis, continues to be a target for small penis humiliation jokes, regardless of color. In this case, a small car is associated with having a small penis as if it is a mirror to small penis humiliation size. Prius? Small Penis!
I’ve also blogged about how men a/k/a losers who try to overcompensate for lack of penis size by buying a big-ass SUV, super-sized pick-up truck or large luxury sedan, but not necessarily in the color known as “small penis” red. In this case, it’s: Big Car? Small Penis!
Emma Parker Bowles, a British expat and writer living in LA, and yes, niece of cuckoldress Camilla Parker Bowles, penned an interesting article in the The Sun, a UK news journal, about the same small penis humiliation topic. She opined that men with small penises seek out larger cars to compensate for their lack of penis size, but lamented that she couldnt’ go around de-pantsing the big car drivers to prove her theory. Oh, if only! She also noted that Americans have an obsession about car size regardless of penis size and much more so than car owners in other countries. She felt that despite the new trend in the US toward driving smaller cars and hybrids, that Americans will typically seek out larger vehicles to drive. In America, she stated, “bigger is better” regardless of fuel costs or environmental impact.
Image c/o movie still from “The Other Guys”
Orange is the New Red Small Penis Car!
I saw the flash of orange on Biscayne. Only caught a millisecond of a glance at the driver, but in that millisecond I vouched: small penis! Since Red and Yellow combine to make Orange, it makes complete sense that Orange is in the small penis humiliation car color range. As for the car, it was a Lambo. Specifically a Lamborghini Murcielago. And a large price tag to pay for a small penis — @$290K!
So, is Orange the new Red when it comes to flashy small penis humiliation wheels? Is Orange less common than Red and therefore even flashier and more of a statement to the effect: I May Have a Small Dick, but I Have a Lot of Cash?
But I nearly forgot, there are rental car companies that feature only exotic sportscars around Miami. If you’ve got the cash or credit limit on your credit card, why rent trash? Dream Cars of Miami will rent this Orange Lambo for $1,750 per day. So it may have been rental Viagra on wheels for a small penis dickster driver and definite small penis pinkie wave humiliation to drive around for the day.
Now on the West Coast, on an equally famous drive, PCH a/k/a Pacific Coast Highway, we have an Orange Maserati (photo submitted by a Red Car? Small Penis! blog reader). I don’t know my Maserati models, so perhaps a reader can I.D. this small penis humiliation model. But here is an Orange Maserati revving it up at a Red light for all girls to see and sneer: Small Penis! Or give the small penis sign to the driver! While the driver may have millions, driving this flashy Orange Maserati means only one more thing: Orange is the New Red!
Lambo photo c/o gothamdreamcars.com/miami
Maserati photo c/o private collection
Free Red Ferrari – Humiliating?
Do you have nearly a half million dollars lying around or do you have the qualifications to finance a monster mortgage? Want to live in a popular Malibu movie star and professional athlete’s neighborhood (Puerco Canyon) plus drive a Hollywood movie star or pro athlete’s worthy ride: a red Ferrari F40 sportscar valued at $75,000? Then this is definitely the house and small penis humiliation car for you! What a sweet catch! But the hidden, or maybe not so hidden catch is that it will mean despite your massive wealth, what’s in your pants (besides your fat wallet) isn’t so massive.
Update: According to this beautiful Malibu house’s “for sale” website, the owner has changed their marketing strategy. Perhaps offering the small penis humiliation Red Ferrari as an incentive just wasn’t working to attract buyers. Now, if you want to buy the Mediterranean style Malibu ocean view house, you no longer get the red car small penis Ferrari as a bonus! Epic disappointment! But the owner is offering the home completely furnished, statues included, and lowering the price of the house by $400,000 to $3,999,333. The new offering will have appeal, but of course I’m slanted toward the previous deal with the free red Ferrari.
The house and pool back up to Pacific Coast Highway right across from singer / actress Cher’s $40 million dollar renowned beachfront estate, which is also presently for sale. Yes, Cher wants ten times as much for her palatial digs which makes this house seem like a bargain in lieu.
Images c/o MLS.com
A Gleeful Red Ferrari – Small Dick Loser or Winner?
One of the stars of Glee, cute Cory Monteith, bought or leased himself a true red-car-small-penis-mobile, a Ferrari California, yes, Ferrari really does have a model called California. Can we assume this Ferrari model’s name was a brilliant Ferrari Marketing Department move to sucker all the rich or nouveau riche small dick loser drivers in the eponymous state? With a starting price of $190,000, it is a tres expensive way to say: Hey bitches, I’m a winner, but check out my small penis!
Sporting impressive Car and Driver stats such as accelerating from 0 – 60 in 4 seconds or less, it’s not the most practical vehicle to drive in California traffic, let alone that it will draw the small penis humiliation pinkie wave from hot chicks who spot the flashy red sportscar.
Who would have predicted that Glee would became a sleeper hit, plus gather a huge rabid fan base. How many shows boast a claim to fame these days, and don’t just end up canceled in red letters. Why not celebrate being a financial winner and tv ratings success with a Red Ferrari? Cory did come from humble beginnings, though I haven’t been able to find out what his former ride was, but his first job while a fledgling actor, was working as one of those annoying Walmart greeters! Oh, the humiliation!
I can say I’ve only stepped into a Walmart once. It was truly an experience I will never forget, which began with the annoying Walmart greeter delivering a monotone welcome as if he were a talking doll and someone had pulled the string in his back. Then as I began meandering thru the maze of aisles, I began feeling dizzy, I must have descended into the first level of Hell. The aisles were populated by strange demonic and ill-dressed creatures. I extricated myself very quickly, vowing never to return. I now refer to Walmart as Hellmart. Perhaps Cory has the never-to-return feeling about his first job. But in retrospect, it was just a means to an end, and ending up in a Red Ferrari California, even though a Red Ferrari is a small penis humiliation classic, officially puts the past behind him.
Image c/o INFDaily
