Posts Tagged ‘California’

Red Cars, Small Penis Humiliation

My Red Car Small Penis blog missed the small penis humiliation trifecta on this Red car find! However, with two out of three cars in “small penis” red, I would bet the owner of these three cars is well endowed with cash, but not so well endowed with penis size. At first, I thought these three sports cars were parked in a primo showroom garage. As it turns out, the garage is not an actual garage, but an art gallery which can park up to 30 collectible cars! Without a panoramic view of the art gallery garage, it’s hard to imagine the magnitude of a space 10 times the size depicted.

Red Cars Small Penis Humiliation

As for the cars, my Red Car Small Penis automotive expert identified a newer Red Ferrari, a classic Red Porsche coupe and an uber classic gull-wing door silver Mercedes roadster. It seems a shame to waste the newer Red Ferrari in a collector car garage, that sports car should be driven! If for no other reason than small penis humiliation! This art gallery collector car garage is located in Santa Barbara, California, in a renowned “architectural” house currently listed on the market for over 20 million dollars. Yes, you read that dollar figure right. Unlike the Malibu, California beach house, where the seller was using a free Red Ferrari as small penis humiliation buyer bait, none of these cars are being used to seduce a buyer with big cash, small penis.

photo c/o

The Red Car Small Penis Humiliation Trifecta!

Not just one, not just two, but three expensive red collector sportscars? How small is this penis? One car per inch? A vintage red Aston Martin, Porsche and Ferrari collectively smell like small penis humiliation and imported carnauba wax! Parked in their very own no-expense-spared, impeccably designed and racing theme accessorized showroom garage with (likely Italian) marble tile floors…these small penises on Pirelli tires are probably only driven up and down the imported stone driveway. A SoCal friend noted the ocean blue license plates are old pre-1980 California tags probably dating back to the era of the Red small penis cars. Yes, this Red sportsar owner undoubtedly obsesses over such authentic details. These British and European sports cars are ultra primo small penis humiliation toys. And obviously kept hand waxed and buffed to perfection, hmmm do I detect Freudian vicarious small penis masturbation?

Unfortunately, unlike the Malibu ocean view villa I previously blogged about where the savvy owner dangled the free Red Ferrari to anyone who bought the property by a specific date, none of these small penis humiliation cars are part of the deal re: the impressive Northern California estate property replete with garage showroom currently on the market for over seven million dollars. It could be assumed that the owner is hoping to attract another wealthy car collector as the pimped out garage can fit not just three, but six small penis humiliation sports cars.

While this is the first time, Red Car? Small Penis! has hit the Small Penis Trifecta, I doubt it will be the last. Enjoy the Red Car Small Penis humiliation photos!

Small Penis Humiliation Trifecta

Small Penis Red Sports Cars

The Bigger the Car, the Smaller You Are?

How much does the size choice of a man’s car equate to his penis size?

Comedienne Sarah Silverman’s father tweets about life from Boca Raton, Florida. You can actually see where her sardonic sense of humor comes from, if you follow him on his RantsFromBoca Twitter. One of his recent tweets:

Boca rumor has it the bigger the car the smaller the penis. So why am I driving a Prius? Maybe it isn’t applicable if you are 73.

A Red Prius was a virtual joke-mobile for actors Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg playing farcical French Connection-esque cops in last year’s comedy film “The Other Guys”. The Red Prius took the brunt of “small” jokes intimating small penis humiliation.

Bigger Car Smaller Penis

And the Prius, perhaps due to its name, a five letter word that sounds like Penis, continues to be a target for small penis humiliation jokes, regardless of color. In this case, a small car is associated with having a small penis as if it is a mirror to small penis humiliation size. Prius? Small Penis!

I’ve also blogged about how men aka losers who try to overcompensate for lack of penis size by buying a big-ass SUV, super-sized pick-up truck or large luxury sedan, but not necessarily in the color known as “small penis” red. In this case, it’s: Big Car? Small Penis!

Emma Parker Bowles, a British expat and writer living in LA, and yes, niece of cuckoldress Camilla Parker Bowles, penned an interesting article in the The Sun, a UK news journal, about the same small penis humiliation topic. She opined that men with small penises seek out larger cars to compensate for their lack of penis size, but lamented she couldnt’ go around de-pantsing the big car drivers to prove her theory. Oh, if only! She also noted that Americans have an obsession about car size regardless of penis size and much more so than car owners in other countries. She felt that despite the new trend in the US toward driving smaller cars and hybrids, that Americans will typically seek out larger vehicles to drive. In America, she stated, “bigger is better” regardless of fuel costs or environmental impact.

Image c/o movie still from “The Other Guys”

Orange is the New Red Small Penis Car!

I saw the flash of orange on Biscayne. Only caught a millisecond of a glance at the driver, but in that millisecond I vouched: small penis! Since Red and Yellow combine to make Orange, it makes complete sense that Orange is in the small penis humiliation car color range. As for the car, it was a Lambo. Specifically a Lamborghini Murcielago.  And a large price tag to pay for a small penis — @$290K!

Orange Small Penis Car

So, is Orange the new Red when it comes to flashy small penis humiliation wheels? Is Orange less common than Red and therefore even flashier and more of a statement to the effect: I May Have a Small Dick, but I Have a Lot of Cash?

But I nearly forgot, there are rental car companies that feature only exotic sportscars around Miami. If you’ve got the cash or credit limit on your credit card, why rent trash? Dream Cars of Miami will rent this Orange Lambo for $1,750 per day. So it may have been rental Viagra on wheels for a small penis dickster driver and definite small penis pinkie wave humiliation to drive around for the day.

Now on the West Coast, on an equally famous drive, PCH a/k/a Pacific Coast Highway, we have an Orange Maserati (photo submitted by a Red Car? Small Penis! blog reader). I don’t know my Maserati models, so perhaps a reader can I.D. this small penis humiliation model. But here is an Orange Maserati revving it up at a Red light for all girls to see and sneer: Small Penis! Or give the small penis sign to the driver! While the driver may have millions, driving this flashy Orange Maserati means only one more thing: Orange is the New Red!

New Orange Small Penis Humiliation Car

Lambo photo c/o
Maserati photo c/o private collection

Free Red Ferrari – Humiliating?

Red Ferrari

Do you have nearly a half million dollars lying around or do you have the qualifications to finance a monster mortgage? Want to live in a popular Malibu movie star and professional athlete’s neighborhood (Puerco Canyon) plus drive a Hollywood movie star or pro athlete’s worthy ride: a Red Ferrari F40 sportscar valued at $75,000? Then this is definitely the house and small penis humiliation car for you! What a sweet catch! But the hidden, or maybe not so hidden catch is that it will mean despite your massive wealth, what’s in your pants (besides your fat wallet) isn’t so massive.

Free Humiliating

Update: According to this beautiful Malibu house’s “for sale” website, the owner has changed their marketing strategy. Perhaps offering the small penis humiliation Red Ferrari as an incentive just wasn’t working to attract buyers. Now, if you want to buy the Mediterranean style Malibu ocean view house, you no longer get the Red Car Small Penis Ferrari as a bonus! Epic disappointment! But the owner is offering the home completely furnished, statues included, and lowering the price of the house by $400,000 to $3,999,333. The new offering will have appeal, but of course I’m slanted toward the previous deal with the free Rred Ferrari.

The house and pool back up to Pacific Coast Highway right across from singer / actress Cher’s $40 million dollar renowned beachfront estate which is also presently for sale. Yes, Cher wants ten times as much for her palatial digs which makes this house seem like a bargain in lieu.

Humiliating Red Car

Images c/o

A Gleeful Red Ferrari

One of the stars of Glee, cute Cory Monteith, bought or leased himself a true red-car-small-penis-mobile, a Ferrari California, yes, Ferrari really does have a model called California. Can we assume this Ferrari model’s name was a brilliant Ferrari Marketing Department move to sucker all the rich or nouveau riche small dick loser drivers in the eponymous state? With a starting price of $190,000, it is a tres expensive way to say: Hey bitches, I’m a winner, but check out my small penis!

Small Dick Loser

Sporting impressive Car and Driver stats such as accelerating from 0 – 60 in 4 seconds or less, it’s not the most practical vehicle to drive in California traffic, let alone that it will draw the small penis humiliation pinkie wave from hot chicks who spot the flashy Red sportscar.

Who would have predicted that Glee would became a sleeper hit, plus gather a huge rabid fan base. How many shows boast a claim to fame these days and don’t just end up canceled in red letters. Why not celebrate being a financial winner and tv ratings success with a Red Ferrari? Cory did come from humble beginnings, though I haven’t been able to find out what his former ride was, but his first job while a fledgling actor, was working as one of those annoying Walmart greeters! Oh, the humiliation!

I can say I’ve only stepped into a Walmart once. It was truly an experience I will never forget, which began with the annoying Walmart greeter delivering a monotone welcome as if he were a talking doll and someone had pulled the string in his back. Then as I began meandering thru the maze of aisles, I began feeling dizzy, I must have descended into the first level of Hell. The aisles were populated by strange demonic and ill-dressed creatures. I extricated myself very quickly, vowing never to return. I now refer to Walmart as Hellmart. Perhaps Cory has the never-to-return feeling about his first job. But in retrospect, it was just a means to an end, and ending up in a Red Ferrari California, even though a Red Ferrari is a small penis humiliation classic, officially puts the past behind him.

Image c/o INFDaily

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