Posts Tagged ‘UK’
The Bigger the Car, the Smaller You Are?
How much does the size choice of a man’s car equate to his penis size?
Comedienne Sarah Silverman’s father tweets about life from Boca Raton, Florida. You can actually see where her sardonic sense of humor comes from, if you follow him on his RantsFromBoca Twitter. One of his recent tweets:
Boca rumor has it the bigger the car the smaller the penis. So why am I driving a Prius? Maybe it isn’t applicable if you are 73.
A Red Prius was a virtual joke-mobile for actors Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg playing farcical French Connection-esque cops in last year’s comedy film “The Other Guys”. The Red Prius took the brunt of “small” jokes intimating small penis humiliation.
And the Prius, perhaps due to its name, a five letter word that sounds like Penis, continues to be a target for small penis humiliation jokes, regardless of color. In this case, a small car is associated with having a small penis as if it is a mirror to small penis humiliation size. Prius? Small Penis!
I’ve also blogged about how men aka losers who try to overcompensate for lack of penis size by buying a big-ass SUV, super-sized pick-up truck or large luxury sedan, but not necessarily in the color known as “small penis” red. In this case, it’s: Big Car? Small Penis!
Emma Parker Bowles, a British expat and writer living in LA, and yes, niece of cuckoldress Camilla Parker Bowles, penned an interesting article in the The Sun, a UK news journal, about the same small penis humiliation topic. She opined that men with small penises seek out larger cars to compensate for their lack of penis size, but lamented she couldnt’ go around de-pantsing the big car drivers to prove her theory. Oh, if only! She also noted that Americans have an obsession about car size regardless of penis size and much more so than car owners in other countries. She felt that despite the new trend in the US toward driving smaller cars and hybrids, that Americans will typically seek out larger vehicles to drive. In America, she stated, “bigger is better” regardless of fuel costs or environmental impact.
Image c/o movie still from “The Other Guys”
Porsche Driving Test = Testosterone Thrills
Unfortunately, the penis size of the drivers was not measured before they took their test spins in the Toyota and the Porsche for this study on male testosterone levels. And it wasn’t advised if the test Porsche was Red! But the study results were surprising!
A research study done by Concordia University in Montreal focused on testosterone levels of males before and after driving both a relatively conservative sedan, a Toyota Camry, and a racy convertible sportscar, a Porsche 911 Cabriolet. The study group was comprised of approximately forty male college students. The test subjects were given a course to drive which basically consisted of two vastly different street environments. One street was considered busy and for purposes of the study, was filled with attractive young women on the sidewalks. The other street was essentially deserted. Then after each spin in the Toyota and Porsche on the test streets, each man’s saliva was measured for his testosterone levels. Even I did not guess the surprising results.
First, whether the element of the attractive women was present or not, the testosterone level of the male subjects did not increase after driving the Camry. Hmmm, there was no increase in testosterone even when exposed to the sexy women?
Second, when the test subjects in the Porsche 911 drove down the street filled with hot chicks, their testosterone levels rose. OK I guessed that. But then when the same test subjects drove down the empty street in the Porsche, their testosterone levels rose. OK I guessed that too. But what was most interesting: The testosterone rose to the same levels as it did when the test drivers drove down the street with the attractive ladies parading on the sidewalk.
The lead researcher conducting the study, Gad Saad, concluded, “Put a guy in a Porsche and his testosterone levels shoot up, whether people are watching or not.” According to Saad, this is a biological reaction. But what about the lack of testosterone reaction to the sexy women? Saad clarified that the consistent rise in testosterone for the Porsche drivers constituted a form of sexual signaling regardless if females were present. This passive sexual signaling was supposed to indicate that the drivers of the Porsche were the best potential mates.
So do men choose to drive racier sportscars as a general mating signal, regardless if the signal is received? What if women find it pathetic that the sportscar drivers, regardless of their testosterone levels, aren’t ideal mates if the cars (by color or type) signal to the females: small penis humiliation! Do men seek to drive sportscars to get more of a testosterone thrill even if there are no women present and regardless of small penis humiliation? Is testosterone a hormone to which men can become addicted, similar to adrenaline?
Small penis humiliation aside, more research is definitely needed if there are biological components as to why a man’s testosterone reacts the way it does when driving particular vehicles. But I would certainly like to see the next study include a Red Porsche and penis size measurements to know if there are variants if the drivers have a small penis and to determine if there are testosterone reactions to a Red sportscar color!
Red Car Small Penis Myths!
While there are small penis humiliation myths debunked below by statistical data about driving and insuring red cars, one interesting stat is that studies have shown red cars are involved in more accidents than any other color cars… Hmmmm could that mean that red car drivers are driving unsafely, faster than they should, trying to show off, in an effort to overcompensate for small penis humiliation?
As if it isn’t enough of a statement of small penis humiliation to be seen driving an ultra expensive rare Red Ferrari, consider the humiliation when this Australian university student had to make the dreaded cell phone call: “Ummm Dad, I just wrecked your $400,000 Ferrari…”
The “Red Car Bias” Myth #1: A common misconception is that red sportscar drivers tend to receive more speeding tickets than drivers of other color cars. Could it be due to their flashiness? Or that red car small penis drivers receive tickets due to envy of the patrolling officers? This is compounded by the ostensible optical illusion created by a red car’s color that makes it appear to be going faster than it really is, regardless of a radar gun. Too bad there isn’t a radar gun that also detects small penis size.
Let’s confer with the experts. According to the Insurance Information Institute: “There is no data to support the assertion that red cars receive more traffic tickets than cars of any other color.” Still, the Rrd car speeding ticket myth has been so widely accepted that it correlates to another Red Car? Small Penis! driving myth below.
The “Red Car Bias” Myth #2: How many car buyers have avoided red cars because they believed owning a red car would mean higher insurance rates than cars of other colors? (Let alone that it would mark them for small penis humiliation…) However, while some studies have suggested red cars are involved in a disproportionate number of accidents, according to the same insurance institute: “There are no major insurance companies that consider car color when determining insurance rates.” The bottom line in the auto insurance industry is that drivers with good driving records, who drive safe vehicles, park off-street at their residences, live in a low theft risk area and drive a moderate amount of miles per year typically have the lowest car insurance premiums. Drivers of red cars, whether they sport a humiliating small penis or monster cock, aren’t necessarily “penalized” for driving and insuring a red car. That is, until they rack up the speeding tickets or get into an at-fault accident. Not only will their auto insurance rates rise, but also their small penis humiliation!
Images c/o SydneyMorningHerald.com
Red Ferrari Small Penis Humiliation
Fallacy (or should I say Phallus-y): Buying an expensive Red sports car will increase the size of your small penis!
Fact: Buying an expensive Red sports car will increase girls’ knowledge of your small penis and therefore, your small penis humiliation!
One eBay UK “member” found out the “hard” way (hey, puns are just rolling off my keyboard) that a shiny fast Red Ferrari does not increase the size of a little dick and only adds to small penis humiliation, so much so, that he tried to auction it off on eBay.
Check out the 1984 Ferrari Testarossa depicted below. A classic Red Italian stallion featuring 385 horsepower, the Testarossa first debuted in 1984 and was named for the daughter of Ferrari’s founder who was a redhead. (Testarossa means redhead in Italian). Redheads are also considered good luck in Italy. In fact, Italians will touch someone’s red hair for luck. No luck was needed in the case of the Testarossa becoming an instant classic in the Ferrari line. However, the eBayer trying to part with his “red car small penis” Testarossa had no luck with his auction.
But when reviewing the eBay member’s auction history, to his small penis humiliation and embarrassment everyone could see what he last purchased: a Doc Johnson Titan Penis Enlargement Pump!
At least Doc Johnson added a caveat to the description of their Penis Enlargement Pump, unlike the Red Ferrari… The Doc Johnson Penis Enlargement Pump disclaimer detailed that some men declare the use of penis enlargement pumps as being effective tools for increasing size of their little “tools”. Others have reported that Penis Enlargement Pumps do not have any lasting effect on small penis size. It is acknowledged that penis pumpers can extend the length of their small dicks while using the pump, but have found their small penises will return to original small penis humiliation size after using the device.
The same caveat, it appears, could be applied to Ferraris…
Not only will a Red Ferrari not make a small penis bigger, it may also make it smaller! To all the girls who see any man driving it!
Image c/o eBay.co.uk
