Posts Tagged ‘UK’
Birds Poop on Red Cars
Apparently, it’s not humiliating enough to be a man with a small penis driving a red car. According to a new study from the UK, birds poop on red cars more than any other color car. The birds poop on Red cars study wasn’t able to conclusively pinpoint why birds seem to target Red cars more frequently than cars of other colors. The study suggested a few theories, but failed to touch on the one that is quite obvious to me. These instinctive creatures apparently know exactly what women have known for years – that men who drive Red cars have a small penis and need to suffer the humiliation associated with having such an inadequate appendage!!! Bird droppings = small penis humiliation. Park your Red car at the beach and the seagulls will assault your car and make girls laugh even more about your tiny dick or throw you the small dick humiliation pinkie salute when they see you getting into your Red car with the customized polka dotted paint job.
So… not only do short dicked men receive small penis humiliation from girls for driving their Red cars around, but also these men have to contend with the humiliation of birds pooping on their rides more than any other color car!!!
Red Car Small Penis – Exceptions to the Rules
Red Car Small Penis – Exceptions to the Rules
Does owning or driving a red car necessarily signify that a man has a small penis? Well, there are exceptions to every rule. For instance, a recent blog post here on Red Car Small Penis explored that Kobe Bryant drives a Red Ferrari, but it’s been well documented that he doesn’t lack size. That being said, are there certain categories of men who the Red Car Small Penis rule doesn’t apply to?
Eric Clapton is known for his legendary guitar play, but he’s also known as a collector of expensive sports cars, particularly a custom built Red Ferrari Enzo that cost him well over $4 million. Another extremely wealthy musician who has an extensive red car collection is the drummer for Pink Floyd, Nick Mason. He is known to be fanatical about his cars and has a passion for racing these finely tuned machines. But are these Brits advertising that they’re short, short men, or do they just like expensive toys?
Maybe it’s because these musicians are über rich and have nothing else to do with their money. The principle that guys who buy Red sports cars automatically have small penises may not apply to super wealthy men who are buying expensive toys to play with as opposed to mens wanting to drive flashy Red small penis size compensation cars to attract females on the streets.
Or maybe there’s a geographical distinction, since these celebs are both of English descent. There is a long history of buying sports cars in England, dating back to roadsters in the 20’s. The British didn’t go through the phallocentric auto trends of every decade like Americans have, examples: hot rods, muscle cars, street racers, etc. Buying a Red sports car may be emblematic of the British culture for an appreciation of the sports car, of racing, of good taste. Could Red Car Small Penis say that buying a Red sports car doesn’t automatically equal small penis humiliation for British sports car owners? Like I said to start this entry, there are exceptions to the rules, but one thing is certain, there is a high correlation to driving a Red car with having a small penis. So if you drive a Red sports car, expect to be humiliated by girls flashing the small penis humiliation pinky wave unless you can prove your size. Otherwise take it that you’re advertising you’re small where it matters most!
Red Ferrari Knit-Pick
There was only one time in the history of my Red Car Small Penis blog that I wrote about a Red Ferrari without mentioning small penis humiliation. And the lone time I wrote about a Red Ferrari without small penis humiliation was??? My news story about the Ferrari Theme Park in the UAE. Nevertheless, you can’t drive this Red Ferrari, you can’t even sit in it or on it, but it’s still a Red Ferrari! Made of twelve miles of mostly red yarn, and nearly a year in the making, this Red Ferrari took longer to make than a factory Ferrari sports car! British art student, Lauren Porter, knit the car as an art project. Her Ferrari sports car art piece had been on exhibit in art galleries and auto shows in the UK and Europe for the past five years. Porter is now retiring it from exhibition and is selling her Red Ferrari knit-knack. And while Porter is hoping her unusual art project will find a home where many can enjoy the life-sized Red Ferrari, money talks! So if a private buyer wishes to buy her hand-knit Red Ferrari, the knit-wit will part with her art for the right price.
Will it be sold to a private buyer with a Red Ferrari sports car fetish who can’t afford the real thing? Will it be sold to a wealthy buyer with Red Car Small Penis syndrome who would like to put it in his man cave or media room as a conversation piece? Or add it to his car collection in his gallery garage as a Red Ferrari small penis humiliation folly? But in any case, the eventual buyer might suffer minor small penis humiliation in buying it, but at least the owner will never be seen driving it!
The Red Car Small Penis Humiliation Trifecta!
Not just one, not just two, but three expensive red collector sportscars? How small is this penis? One car per inch? A vintage red Aston Martin, Porsche and Ferrari collectively smell like small penis humiliation and imported carnauba wax! Parked in their very own no-expense-spared, impeccably designed and racing theme accessorized showroom garage with (likely Italian) marble tile floors…these small penises on Pirelli tires are probably only driven up and down the imported stone driveway. A SoCal friend noted the ocean blue license plates are old pre-1980 California tags probably dating back to the era of the Red small penis cars. Yes, this Red sportsar owner undoubtedly obsesses over such authentic details. These British and European sports cars are ultra primo small penis humiliation toys. And obviously kept hand waxed and buffed to perfection, hmmm do I detect Freudian vicarious small penis masturbation?
Unfortunately, unlike the Malibu ocean view villa I previously blogged about where the savvy owner dangled the free Red Ferrari to anyone who bought the property by a specific date, none of these small penis humiliation cars are part of the deal re: the impressive Northern California estate property replete with garage showroom currently on the market for over seven million dollars. It could be assumed that the owner is hoping to attract another wealthy car collector as the pimped out garage can fit not just three, but six small penis humiliation sports cars.
While this is the first time, Red Car? Small Penis! has hit the Small Penis Trifecta, I doubt it will be the last. Enjoy the Red Car Small Penis humiliation photos!
