Posts Tagged ‘Small Penis’

Red Tesla Small Penis

The driver shelled out $70K for a sporty red Tesla and will now be shelling out for a spendy vacation… in jail, rehab or a mental health facility. The hippie driver came to a full stop in the middle of daytime traffic on PCH in Pacific Palisades. Then, he began stripping off his clothes outside of his car until he was completely au naturel. But, that wasn’t all. For over two hours, the man performed wacky, spacey dance moves while standing on the driver’s seat, showcasing these moves through the open sun roof of his Tesla. Paramedics and beach patrol crew patiently waited for their moment to apprehend him. Mr. Red Tesla Small Penis closed out his hipster performance art walking atop the body of the car. Apres le cinema verite, he was straitjacketed and taken away on a stretcher.

In the meantime, bystanders broke out their cell phone cameras to record the event. The entertaining video and amusing photos are making the rounds in the media and popular social sites including Youtube. Going totally naked in public revealed the driver’s tiny penis. As one video viewer commented, the red Tesla driver’s pubic hair was longer than his naughty bits. Small penis humiliation right there. This red car driver will forever be known for having a mind meltdown on PCH whether it was a mental health issue or drug induced. And, of course, he will be known for revealing visible proof of “red car small penis” and live forever in humiliating internet infamy. His only consolation will be that he is most likely rich as hell if he can afford a Tesla and that he can laugh all the way to the bank every day while wheeling around in his red EV. Despite his small penis.

Does Penis Size Matter

Nothing tells the world you have a small penis more than driving a Red Ferrari sports car around SoCal. And if you’re Ashton Kutcher, not all the millions you have accumulated from your films, tv shows and successful tech deals can make up for having a small penis. Not even having Mila Kunis as your new girlfriend can serve as sweet solace for lacking in size. When women are asked: Does Penis Size Matter – the blazing majority would answer: Size Matters. Obviously, size doesn’t matter to Mila Kunis, since her former long-term boyfriend was McCaulay Culkin. Mila Kunis must truly fall in love and love is blind and blind to penis size. Hmmm, maybe Mila Kunis does choose her boyfriends for size, wallet size, that is. Jumping from Culkin to Kutcher represented a 10x net worth boyfriend leap to $140 million. Nice!

Ashton Kutcher Red Ferrari Penis Size Matter

Ashton Kutcher first popped up on the Red Car Small Penis radar when he bought a Red International Pickup Truck, the largest pickup truck in production at the time. It’s true! Red Truck Small Penis and Big Truck Small Penis. Double tiny cock whammy for Ashton. And now with his Red Ferrari, Ashton Kutcher continues to buy small penis humiliation on four wheels.

Mitt Romney Red Car Video

In this clever political satire video by Romney Girl (check her out at RomneyGirl.org), the hot blond Romney Girl dresses as the Swiss Miss (a little homage to Mitt’s Swiss bank accounts) while singing along to Aqua’s “Barbie Girl” melody. Romney Girl has penned witty and sarcastic new lyrics to the Aqua tune, bashing Mitt for his bourgeois lifestyle, hiding his millions in overseas bank accounts, going “taxless”, silver tipping his hair and more. In the opening of the video, she skips up to Mitt in his Red Mustang and asks him “do you have something to hide” which in addition to the money he has stashed in offshore accounts and the tax returns he won’t reveal, could Romney Girl be hinting at: Mitt is also hiding a small penis! Why else would she have artfully placed the Mitt Romney lookalike in a Red sports car unless… Mitt Romney Red Car Small Penis!

Mitt and the Swiss Miss Barbie Girl ride around in New York City and various high faluting or fellating places like a mansion with bubbling spa, champagne that popped its foamy money shot and a yacht club. Supposedly Mitt owns a Red Mustang convertible, a midlife crisis birthday gift from his wife! Check out my new favorite small penis humiliation video, Romney Girl, on Youtube. Oops, it seems that Universal Music Group didn’t enjoy the parody of Aqua’s “Barbie Girl” that Romney Girl used in her video and so the evil corporate magnates (Republicans?) requested that Youtube take down the video.

from a Red Car Small Penis blog reader: yes you are right, it’s New York City. the bank is Chase Bank, where you see the flag flying across the building with pillars is the New York Stock Exchange, the bull is a symbol of the bull market for Wall Street and I’m pretty sure where the boats are moored is Chelsea Piers…

Red Car Small Penis – Exceptions to the Rules

Red Car Small Penis – Exceptions to the Rules

Does owning or driving a red car necessarily signify that a man has a small penis? Well, there are exceptions to every rule. For instance, a recent blog post here on Red Car Small Penis explored that Kobe Bryant drives a Red Ferrari, but it’s been well documented that he doesn’t lack size. That being said, are there certain categories of men who the Red Car Small Penis rule doesn’t apply to?

Eric Clapton is known for his legendary guitar play, but he’s also known as a collector of expensive sports cars, particularly a custom built Red Ferrari Enzo that cost him well over $4 million. Another extremely wealthy musician who has an extensive red car collection is the drummer for Pink Floyd, Nick Mason. He is known to be fanatical about his cars and has a passion for racing these finely tuned machines. But are these guys advertising that they’re short, short men, or do they just like expensive toys?

Maybe it’s because these guys are über rich and have nothing else to do with their money. The principle that guys who buy Red sports cars automatically have small penises may not apply to super wealthy men who are buying expensive toys to play with as opposed to guys wanting to drive flashy Red small penis size compensation cars to attract females on the streets.

Or maybe there’s a geographical distinction, since these guys are both of English descent. There is a long history of buying sports cars in England, dating back to roadsters in the 20’s. The British didn’t go through the phallocentric auto trends of every decade like Americans have, examples: hot rods, muscle cars, street racers, etc. Buying a Red sports car may be emblematic of the British culture for an appreciation of the sports car, of racing, of good taste. Could Red Car Small Penis say that buying a Red sports car doesn’t automatically equal small penis humiliation for British sports car owners? Like I said to start this entry, there are exceptions to the rules, but one thing is certain, there is a high correlation to driving a Red car with having a small penis. So if you drive a Red sports car, expect to be humiliated by girls flashing the small penis humiliation pinky wave unless you can prove your size. Otherwise take it you’re advertising you’re small where it matters most!

Small Penis Syndrome

I originally blogged about Tommy Hilfiger and his Red Ferrari several years ago when I was running my small penis humiliation blog Tumblr style. The former Red Car Small Penis phone sex blog featured small penis humiliation photos accompanied by short and sassy Red Car Small Penis descriptions. Back in 2009 my opinion was that Tommy Hilfiger and his Red Ferrari Enzo definitely reflected the red car small penis syndrome. My opinion hasn’t changed. For Tommy Hilfiger, a multimillionaire, buying a Red Ferrari Enzo would be like me buying a used Dodge Neon. And while wealth has its privileges, we are what we drive. That is one of the bottom lines of car ownership. Our car is the shell that the world sees and connects to us, it is a dramatic and powerful presentation of our selves, our battle armor that goes out on the road.

Tommy Hilfiger used to drive a vintage Jeep Wagoneer that was lovingly restored down to the wood side panels. (Pun intended, these old wooden side paneled cars are known as woodies.) This was the old Tommy Hilfiger, conservative family station wagon driver, who then upgraded to his mid-life crisis toy, the Red Ferrari Enzo. No doubt that people recognize Tommy Hilfiger and his Red Ferrari Enzo in Connecticut where he lives and cruises. But women will wonder when they know that the American driver of a Red sports car is rich, whether the Red sports car is a conspicuous symbol of wealth (with a dash of mid-life crisis) or small penis humiliation.

Lifted Cars are Small Penis Extenders on Wheels

Men who drive cars or pick-up trucks with special suspension customizations to lift their cars or pick-up trucks and install oversized tires may as well be advertising to women that they need to lift their penis size as well. Women who see these lifted cars or trucks are only thinking that the drivers are psychologically trying to enlarge their penis by installing penis extenders on their rides. Lifted cars are small penis extenders on wheels. Pathetic! Women are not impressed by lifted cars or trucks, rather, they are only thinking: small penis humiliation on wheels. Most women know that men who are driving lifted cars or trucks with special lift apparatus, should be buying penis extenders instead and working on lengthening what really needs to be lengthened or upsized, not the height of their cars or pick-ups and not the size of their tires.

Red Pick Up Truck Lifted

Every time I see one of these lifted pick-ups or cars, even if it’s a low rider in Little Havana, I think: lifted car, small penis. The funny thing is that most of these lifted cars and trucks are Red! Which is more evidence of Red Car Small Penis humiliation on wheels. Plus a waste of money! Men should be spending the thousands they spent on customizing their cars or trucks on something that matters, not their small penis mobiles.

Red Car Lifters

Red Car Small Penis Humiliation – Vegas Style

this small penis humiliation blog post submitted by a frequent visitor to Vegas…

The phrase “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas” suggests people come to America’s adult playground for wild decadent times of gambling and partying with a general anything goes attitude. Many guys come hoping to experience the high-roller lifestyle of comped rooms, great food and winning streaks making them feel like big spenders.

One industry that seems to be taking advantage of the situation (but not as much as the casinos) is the exotic car rental business. Customers can pony up a couple hundred to a thousand dollars to ride around in Ferraris, Lamborghinis, Porsches and other extravagant sports cars for a few hours. These exotic rental car companies cater to guys who want to get a thrill of driving these sports cars that retail upwards of $400K. The amusing thing is that almost every car on these lots is small penis humiliation Red (or some variation of the small penis humiliation color scheme such as yellow or orange).

The guys renting these autos are essentially signaling to the world that they are cursed with the small penis affliction. Although it’s probably not intentional, they are telling all the girls on the strip that they are small where it matters… in their pants! And not only that, since they’re merely renting and not buying these small penis humiliation vehicles, they’re most likely small in another area that matters to most women… their wallets!

It’s not an infrequent occurrence for a group of guys to rent out one of these sports cars in small penis humiliation Red and cruise up and down the Las Vegas strip looking to attract all the pretty girls bouncing between the casinos and clubs. Little do these guys know, but they’re signaling their lack of penis size to the hot chicks. Women are totally aware of the trend that a guy driving a Red car most likely has a small penis. On more than one occasion in Vegas, I’ve seen a pretty girl on the strip flash the universal small penis humiliation sign with their thumb and forefinger while laughing with their friends as these guys pathetically attempt to impress them with their rented high-end exotic red cars.

I guess as long as these guys’ memories are as short as what’s in their pants, then the saying “what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas” may still ring true. Otherwise, the feelings of small penis humiliation that they suffered from the girls pointing and laughing at them will remain long after their vacation to Sin City is over. Renting these exotic Red cars in the desert of Nevada is just one more way for these men to experience small penis humiliation – Vegas style!!!

Small Penis Humiliation Sport

Let’s face it, Golf is a small penis sport. Men wearing ugly pants or bermuda shorts go out and hit little white balls around with metal sticks and try to get them into tiny holes. So what is my point regarding the game of Golf here on Red Car Small Penis? See for yourself!

Small Penis Humiliation Red Golf Carts

Red Golf Cart, Small Penis!

My point is that there are other Red vehicles and toys men play with which also signify they have a small penis and invite small penis humiliation from hot girls. There are also sporting activities men do which scream out: Small Penis! And Golf is the most obvious sporting activity which announces, I don’t have iron in my golf pants only in my golf bag.

Other than Tiger Woods who outed himself as the biggest whoremaster of the past year, which other pro golfer even looks hung or fuckable? My girlfriends and I could go thru a baseball, basketball or football team locker room and find plenty of fuckable large penises with the occasional, unfortunate small penis. But I picture a country club locker room populated by men with small penises. Small penises and money are often interrelated as men with small penises often try to overcompensate by making big money. Men know their fat wallet has to make up for their small penis size.

So that may be why women don’t watch Golf either. Women find it boring and overpopuluated by men with small penises. It’s the sport with the least amount of female viewers, and the female viewership dropped exponentially when Tiger dropped out of the picture.

Small Penis Cars

There’s a fun new internet meme going around. Thanks to photo manipulation software and websites where anyone can upload a photo and play with various photo editing features, anyone can make their little dick look bigger, haha, no, that’s not where this Red Car Small Penis blog is going. The new meme sweeping the web is the Smart Car vs. Corvette, Smart Car vs. Maserati, Smart Car vs. Ferrari, etc. The Smart Car “memers” takes popular sports cars and shrink or compress the sports cars into Smart Car sizes like this:

Corvette Photoshopped Smart Car

and this:

Lamborghini Small Penis Smart Car

Realistically, this is what chicks think of the tiny penis size of men driving a Corvette, Ferrari, Lamborghini or Maserati anyway, especially if the men are driving Red models like the Corvette above. And since we know Orange is the New Red, women would think the same thing of the small penis size of the driver of the orange Lamborghini Diablo, also above. I wonder if any of the car manufacturers will catch on and make Smart Car versions of their gas guzzling sports cars?

BMW already has. BMW is set to release a smaller Bimmer, no, not the mini-Cooper which has been out for years, but a smaller scaled down BMW sports sedan. Gas prices and energy consumption woes are (literally) driving auto makers around the world to scale down on car sizes and maximize gas mileage. So when a chick sees a photo of a guy driving a Corvette, Ferrari, Lamborghini or Maserati, she thinks the driver has a tiny cock regardless as to whether the photo has been Smart Car meme’d.


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