Posts Tagged ‘Red Ferrari’
Look Rich with a Salvage Title Sportscar in your Driveway
Want to look like you’re rolling in cash when you’re really floating just above penniless? Here’s the ultimate faux rich life hack: Snag a sportscar on the cheap and turn it into a flashy driveway trophy. No trust fund? No problem. Here’s how to fake it till you make it.
Step 1: Hunt for a Salvage-Title Stunner
“Salvage title” is the secret. It’s insurance company code speak for “the damages to this car exceed the car’s value or the policy’s obligation to repair, so we totaled it.” From the pool of salvage title vehicles, flood-damaged two-seaters are your golden ticket. Climate change has unfortunately made waterlogged Porsches, Lambos and Ferraris more common than garden gnomes. Search online auctions or shady lots for a sleek coupe that’s gone through a splashy disaster. Remember it’s not about driving the spendy ride, it’s about giving off wealthy vibes.
Step 2: Stage the Grand Arrival
Nothing screams “I’m rich” like a sportscar gleaming in your driveway. Book a tow truck to drop off your new (non-running) beauty under the cover of night—because nothing kills the illusion faster than neighbors gawking at your “special delivery” being detached from a tow hook. Pro tip: Carvana delivers via branded low-ride flatbeds! Arrange a daytime flatbed drop-off to make it look legit.
Step 3: Polish It Like You Mean It
Channel your inner influencer and get caught waxing that bad boy in broad daylight. Buff it until it shines brighter than your future. A little elbow grease goes a long way in convincing the neighborhood you’re living the high life. Bonus points: Casually leave a pair of designer sunglasses or at least the case on the dashboard for that extra bougie flex.
Step 4: Pick Your Ride Wisely (or Not)
Fair warning: a red Ferrari might scream “midlife crisis” louder than “millionaire.” Stereotypes are real, and you don’t want the neighbors whispering about overcompensation for your lack of size. If that’s the case, go for a sleek black Maserati or a silver Corvette to keep it classy. Whatever you choose, snap some fire pics for the ‘Gram—because if it’s not on Instagram, did it even happen?
Step 5: Keep the Secret Locked Down
The key to this hustle? Don’t let anyone know your whip’s a glorified driveway ornament. Park it at just the right angle, maybe affix a fake car alarm window-cling for authenticity. If anyone asks why it never moves, brush it off with something about “collecting classics” or “waiting on custom parts from Italy.” Go ye forth and flaunt that driveway supercar like you’re the Wolf of Wall Street. Just don’t expect an invite to join the country club—yet.
Wet Roads, Wrecked Ferrari
One of the major aspects of driving a high performance sports car is knowing how to drive it on wet roadways. Or to how not to drive it on wet roadways. Wealth and weather are two of the reasons why Ferraris and Lamborghinis are popular in southern California and Las Vegas. Yes, rain is rare in those locales. Perhaps it should be imperative that new Ferrari or Lambo drivers take a few driving lessons before launching themselves out onto the highway and into infamy as this red car small penis Ferrari driver did. In his very first driving foray, the Italian driver of this Ferrari F458 wrecks his $200K ride on wet roads while trying to pass a slower vehicle. Humiliating!
Red Ferrari Mid Life Crisis
In the South of France, there is a popular annual festival of Ferraris where dozens of Ferrari owners show off their powerful and pricey whips. La Grande Motte Festival of Ferraris benefits the Lions Club International which supports various charity efforts. However, dominant women like me can’t let the charitable underpinnings of this event deter us from calling this festival the “Red Ferrari Mid Life Crisis” Fest.
Most Ferrari owners look like they bought their red sports cars during desperate mid-life crisis moments. As one of my girlfriends eloquently stated: “Forty year old guys with money buy red sportscars, because they think it will help them get laid.” Ironically, the opposite is true. Buying a red Italian sportster will help mid-life crisis sufferers label themselves as (surprise!) mid-life crisis sports car buyers. Ripe for small penis humiliation and exploitation, European women view these men as under-hung fools, despite the size of their wallets. And only Euro golddiggers with an eagle eye for a man with money, will overlook Red Ferrari owner penis size in favor of wallet size.
Red Ferraris Popular in China
In China, the Red Ferrari is not the cliche on wheels for the small penis driver, instead, it is the sports car to own and drive as a flashy show of wealth. Yes, it’s true, the Ferrari is the vehicle of choice for the rich in China and the most popular Ferrari paint color in China is Red. Rich Chinese women drive Red Ferraris as status symbols, noted Hannah Rosin, author of “The End of Men and The Rise of Women”. Rich Chinese businessmen and aristocrats buy their adult kids Red Ferraris as symbols of their nouveau riche status, even though the Chinese culture, for the most part, does not condone blatant displays of wealth.
Red Ferrari Chinese Limited Edition
Ferrari manufactured a limited edition run of the Ferrari 458 Italia in Red for the Chinese market only (shown below) and all of the sports cars sold out despite the $954,000 price. However, Ferrari took some heat for their culturally insensitive advertising of the Italia on a section of a Ming Dynasty fortress wall in the city of Nanjing. This advert included a stunt where the depicted Ferrari burned rubber and may have left permanent tire marks defacing the monument. And while Ferrari apologized for their disrespect of the historic wall, it was also revealed that Ferrari had paid the city for the privilege of showcasing the limited edition vehicle. Perhaps, Ferrari reps didn’t mention to officials that they were going to do more than just drive the vehicle up onto the wall’s ramparts for the ad. Since the incident, the word Ferrari was even blocked as a temporary search term in China. Censorship in action!
Red Ferraris for Red Royalty
One of the reasons why wealthy Chinese like Red Ferraris is that the young, rich and privileged Chinese are known as Red Royalty. Think of the US and UK equivalent of Blue Blood. Red Royalty are also called princelings, a moniker indicating their family money and upper class status. Thus, the Red Ferrari is the symbol for Red Royalty. Right click Open in a New Tab on the Infographic below for more details on the Red Royalty “celebrities” in China (yes, there is a Red Ferrari included!) One wealthy Chinese princeling even claimed he had never driven a Ferrari in defense against the media perception of his elitist playboy reputation.
