Posts Tagged ‘Small Penis Humiliation’

Red Tesla Small Penis

The driver shelled out $70K for a sporty red Tesla and will now be shelling out for a spendy vacation… in jail, rehab or a mental health facility. The hippie driver came to a full stop in the middle of daytime traffic on PCH in Pacific Palisades. Then, he began stripping off his clothes outside of his car until he was completely au naturel. But, that wasn’t all. For over two hours, the man performed wacky, spacey dance moves while standing on the driver’s seat, showcasing these moves through the open sun roof of his Tesla. Paramedics and beach patrol crew patiently waited for their moment to apprehend him. Mr. Red Tesla Small Penis closed out his hipster performance art walking atop the body of the car. Apres le cinema verite, he was straitjacketed and taken away on a stretcher.

In the meantime, bystanders broke out their cell phone cameras to record the event. The entertaining video and amusing photos are making the rounds in the media and popular social sites including Youtube. Going totally naked in public revealed the driver’s tiny penis. As one video viewer commented, the red Tesla driver’s pubic hair was longer than his naughty bits. Small penis humiliation right there. This red car driver will forever be known for having a mind meltdown on PCH whether it was a mental health issue or drug induced. And, of course, he will be known for revealing visible proof of “red car small penis” and live forever in humiliating internet infamy. His only consolation will be that he is most likely rich as hell if he can afford a Tesla and that he can laugh all the way to the bank every day while wheeling around in his red EV. Despite his small penis.

Red Car Mid Life Crisis

One of the major issues in buying and owning a coveted red sports car is learning how to drive a high horsepower vehicle without looking like a horse’s ass. This French Ferrari owner obviously needed a few driving lessons before tooting his small penis mobile around town. In the South of France, there is a popular annual festival of Ferraris where dozens of Ferrari owners show up to show off their powerful and pricey rides. Perhaps a little tip on how to operate the stick shift transmission might have helped this driver do something simple like cross the street without stalling out his spendy whip and drawing humiliation to himself from the crowd.

This rich Ferrari owner looks like he bought his red sports car during a desperate mid-life crisis moment. As one of my girlfriends eloquently stated: “Forty year old guys with money buy red sports cars, because they think it will help them get laid.” When, ironically, the opposite is true. Buying a red Italian sportster will help mid-life crisis sufferers label themselves as (surprise!) mid-life crisis sports car buyers. Ripe for small penis humiliation. Women view these men are pathetic under-hung fools, despite the size of their wallets. And any women attending this festival, perhaps with an eagle’s eye out for a man with style and money, will think this French Ferrari owner is a fool who can’t operate his shiny red penis either. He will have nearly zero chance of getting laid on the tachometer.

Red Car No Attraction

Red Ford Fiesta

Let’s look at a recent UK survey of men’s and women’s impressions of the opposite sex implied by their cars. Survey test subjects were shown two sets of photos. A split group of women were shown specific photos. One group was shown the photo of a man seated in a silver Bentley Continental GT and the other group was shown a photo of the same man seated in a red Ford Fiesta. A split group of men were shown the same woman seated in both of the cars. Women were asked to rate the level of attractiveness of the man. The man seated in the silver Bentley Continental scored much higher than the same man when seated in the red Ford Fiesta. For the men, there was no car bias difference in the woman’s level of attractiveness.

If Red Car Small Penis were to interpret the findings on the women’s tests: 1. A spendier ride will make any man appear to be more attractive 2. Women will place a higher degree of attractiveness on a man perceived to have money 3. A man seated in a red car, especially a cheap red car, is downgraded for desperately trying to be flashy. Plus, subliminally, you know these women inferred the men seated in the Fiesta had a small penis. If only the women had been asked about what size penises they thought these men had, small, average or large! Their answers would have reflected true small penis humiliation!

Rod’s Little Rod and Red Hot Rod

Rod Stewart Red Ferrari Hot Rod

There is no shortage of famous celebs riding around in fiery red sports cars revealing more about themselves than they realize. This blog has been documenting the relationship between driving a red car and having a small penis for years. Famous crooner Rod Stewart is no exception to the small penis humiliation rule. Rod recently confessed that his “little rod” was made even smaller by taking steroids to combat inflammation of his vocal cords during early concert touring days.

Most men who fantasize about becoming famous rock stars want to get filthy rich as well as bed a bevy of beautiful women. While Rod was getting rich, his rod was being shriveled due to steroid use. Instead of hiding in shame, he publicly advertised to the world he had a small penis by motoring around in his Red Ferrari Enzo, years before he revealed his small penis humiliation! Rod’s little rod and red hot rod belong together! Everyone knows that cruising in a red car is signaling to the world you have a small penis! Talk about total small penis humiliation. Rod claimed that steroids reduce the swelling in any membrane, not just the vocal cords, but also the “membrane” in a guy’s pants. Cue PSA for the biggest reason not to take steroids.

This peen shrinkage news becomes more timely with all the steroid talk in the baseball world making it easy to identify which players are sporting small packages due to ‘roid abuse. Players on MLB’s steroids list are not only going to be publicly humiliated by being suspended, but also sports fans will know each of those players shrunk their peens in order to play ball and get filthy rich. Poor ARod and Ryan Braun are now clearly among the league’s smallest endowed players. Oddly enough, neither drive red sports cars. Yet.

Rod’s Red Hot Rod at a British car show

Red Car Porn

The first Cadillac ATS commercial I viewed on Youtube was filmed in a unique locale in China with select footage aerially shot by a red helicopter {gratuitous wink}. The series of four commercials which Cadillac produced to promote their trendy new sedan featured two 30-something dudes craving a red car porn rush. I could only think of three words: small penis humiliation. After viewing the Youtube clip, I wondered if these guys really thought it was that impressive to drive the red Cadillac ATS sports sedan through such a “tight” tunnel. Oh, the subliminal metaphor…

Cadillac spent a lot of money on these commercials to showcase their optional “magnetic ride control suspension”. Cadillac even goes so far as to tout the Cadillac ATS as “the world’s finest luxury compact sport sedan”. However, many aficionados of European luxury sport sedans such as BMWs and Mercedes would definitely disagree. Nevertheless, Cadillac engineers deserve some props for their magnetic ride control development as this adaptive suspension was later integrated by Ferrari and Lamborghini. Typically, American car engineers are behind the curve, not ahead of it. However, the casting of the 30-something adrenaline junkie douches in a series of racy commercials, most likely a marketing ploy to reach that particular male buyer demographic, seems a little desperate, even though the locales of the commercials are beautifully breathtaking. And to be honest, if any guys go out and buy a red Cadillac sedan after watching any of these car porn commercials and attempt to drive their red Caddies like sporty BMWs to impress chicks, well, that will only be met with small penis humiliation.

Tiny Car Tiny Price Tag Tiny Penis

Tiny Tata Nano car coming to the U.S.

Are men really oblivious to the signals they send out to the world, especially signals sensitive to women? It’s becoming common knowledge that driving around in a red car is the equivalent of getting a highway billboard ad announcing: “Hey, my penis is the size of an iPod Nano!” Recently, an India-based car company, Tata, announced to the world that they want to start selling the Nano in the U.S. Yes, Apple, this Nano is a car. And this pocket-sized car will tentatively retail at only $3,000, thousands less than the disastrous deep discount Yugo which was previously blogged about here at Red Car Small Penis.

Tiny Car Tiny Penis

How much do you Red Car Small Penis blog readers want to bet some men won’t be able to wait for the humiliation of driving around in this micro sized car? The message a man will be sending to the world is that his micro-car is being driven by a mini-man where it counts. And not only that, but everyone will also know that a man’s bank account is tiny if he’s driving around in a car which costs two-thirds less than the cheapest car on the U.S. auto market today. What could be more humiliating than driving one of these Tata Nanos and seeing a bunch of pretty girls pointing and laughing!!! One thing is for sure, if any man buys this Indian Tata Nano car, it doesn’t even need to be red for them to experience small penis humiliation! Obviously, a case of Tiny Car Tiny Price Tag Tiny Penis!

Birds Poop on Red Cars

Apparently, it’s not humiliating enough to be a man with a small penis driving a red car. According to a new study from the UK, birds poop on red cars more than any other color car. The birds poop on Red cars study wasn’t able to conclusively pinpoint why birds seem to target Red cars more frequently than cars of other colors. The study suggested a few theories, but failed to touch on the one that is quite obvious to me. These instinctive creatures apparently know exactly what women have known for years – that men who drive Red cars have a small penis and need to suffer the humiliation associated with having such an inadequate appendage!!! Bird droppings = small penis humiliation. Park your Red car at the beach and the seagulls will assault your car and make girls laugh even more about your tiny dick or throw you the small dick humiliation pinkie salute when they see you getting into your Red car with the customized polka dotted paint job.

So… not only do short dicked men receive small penis humiliation from girls for driving their Red cars around, but also these men have to contend with the humiliation of birds pooping on their rides more than any other color car!!!

red-car-poop

Does Penis Size Matter

Nothing tells the world you have a small penis more than driving a Red Ferrari sports car around SoCal. And if you’re Ashton Kutcher, not all the millions you have accumulated from your films, tv shows and successful tech deals can make up for having a small penis. Not even having Mila Kunis as your new girlfriend can serve as sweet solace for lacking in size. When women are asked: Does Penis Size Matter – the blazing majority would answer: Size Matters. Obviously, size doesn’t matter to Mila Kunis, since her former long-term boyfriend was McCaulay Culkin. Mila Kunis must truly fall in love and love is blind and blind to penis size. Hmmm, maybe Mila Kunis does choose her boyfriends for size, wallet size, that is. Jumping from Culkin to Kutcher represented a 10x net worth boyfriend leap to $140 million. Nice!

Ashton Kutcher Red Ferrari Penis Size Matter

Ashton Kutcher first popped up on the Red Car Small Penis radar when he bought a Red International Pickup Truck, the largest pickup truck in production at the time. It’s true! Red Truck Small Penis and Big Truck Small Penis. Double tiny cock whammy for Ashton. And now with his Red Ferrari, Ashton Kutcher continues to buy small penis humiliation on four wheels.

Mitt Romney Red Car Video

In this clever political satire video by Romney Girl (check her out at RomneyGirl.org), the hot blond Romney Girl dresses as the Swiss Miss (a little homage to Mitt’s Swiss bank accounts) while singing along to Aqua’s “Barbie Girl” melody. Romney Girl has penned witty and sarcastic new lyrics to the Aqua tune, bashing Mitt for his bourgeois lifestyle, hiding his millions in overseas bank accounts, going “taxless”, silver tipping his hair and more. In the opening of the video, she skips up to Mitt in his Red Mustang and asks him “do you have something to hide” which in addition to the money he has stashed in offshore accounts and the tax returns he won’t reveal, could Romney Girl be hinting at: Mitt is also hiding a small penis! Why else would she have artfully placed the Mitt Romney lookalike in a Red sports car unless… Mitt Romney Red Car Small Penis!

Mitt and the Swiss Miss Barbie Girl ride around in New York City and various high faluting or fellating places like a mansion with bubbling spa, champagne that popped its foamy money shot and a yacht club. Supposedly Mitt owns a Red Mustang convertible, a midlife crisis birthday gift from his wife! Check out my new favorite small penis humiliation video, Romney Girl, on Youtube. Oops, it seems that Universal Music Group didn’t enjoy the parody of Aqua’s “Barbie Girl” that Romney Girl used in her video and so the evil corporate magnates (Republicans?) requested that Youtube take down the video.

from a Red Car Small Penis blog reader: yes you are right, it’s New York City. the bank is Chase Bank, where you see the flag flying across the building with pillars is the New York Stock Exchange, the bull is a symbol of the bull market for Wall Street and I’m pretty sure where the boats are moored is Chelsea Piers…

Small Penis Humiliation

Red Car Small Penis previously blogged about high end sports cars being abandoned by their former owners in Dubai as primarily British expats were fleeing Dubai in humiliation to avoid debtor’s prison. Now… a red Ferrari Enzo abandoned by its British owner will be going up for auction. This rare million dollar Ferrari Enzo (named after the legendary Enzo who launched the Ferrari sports car), even though covered in desert sand and exposed to the elements for over a year, will presumably go for a high auction price and be refurbished to its former polished look.

Red Ferrari Humiliation

The humiliated British expat, who went from rich to pauper, must be experiencing small penis humiliation as he dumped his million dollar Enzo at the airport due to falling behind on payments and other driving fines then hopped a flight back home with his small penis tucked between his legs. Only 399 Ferrari Enzo models were manufactured and some of their high profile owners include multi-millionaires Tommy Hilfiger and Eric Clapton. This former high profile Enzo owner is surely experiencing the humiliation of taking the tube (British slang for subway) or other public transportation since he most likely lost his job in the oil biz or construction biz when those industries went bust in Dubai. But imagine if any dates find out he used to own and lost a Ferrari Enzo! He will deserve any small penis humiliation verbal abuse these women dish at him.


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