Posts Tagged ‘Movie Red Car’
Red Mustang vs. Red Jaguar – Small Penis POV
I watched the original of “The Mechanic” starring Charles Bronson and Jan Michael Vincent on Netflix, already aware of the brilliant scene featuring the fatal explosion of the Red Mustang at the end of the 1972 classic. Whereas in some films, red cars are definitive small penis jokes, I never thought at any point in the movie that the Red Mustang held any symbolic meaning re: a small penis. Instead I interpreted that red was the color of temptation, and this irresistible temptation to drive the souped up Red Mustang was what killed Jan Michael Vincent’s character. Would it have been as effective and believable a cinematic temptation had the Mustang been green (as in “Bullitt”), powder blue or gold? Unequivocally no. And the note Bronson left for Vincent, isn’t revenge the ultimate humiliation?
Fast forward to 2011 and Jason Statham and Ben Foster are reprising the Bronson and Vincent roles in the adrenaline-injected remake. While some of Bronson’s die-hard fans found it sacrilegious to touch a Bronson classic, Hollywood couldn’t resist remaking a movie starring a hitman, a young protege, homoeroticism, guns, testosterone and explosions. All of the ingredients that a studio would topload into an action film to attract, as actress Helen Mirren has quipped about typical Hollywood fare, “small penis movie-goers.” Except in the remake, the Red Mustang has been replaced by a Jaguar Series II E-Type FHC (fixed head coupe). Again, the color is red as no other color would symbolize the deathtrap or serve as a credible lure for the young Mechanic to drive away. However, unlike the Red Mustang, I do get a small penis vibe from the Red Jaguar, even hinted in the shape of the car itself.
I assume a twist to the original explosive finale could have been for the Jag engine to make a palpable stall then start and while the audience would be collectively holding their breath, waiting for Foster to find and read the humiliating note and anticipate the inevitable, the Red Jag could have not exploded. And that certainly would have left an opening for a sequel. Jason Statham, who I get a rather large penis vibe from, showed up at the The Mechanic movie premiere in a Red Jaguar Series II E-Type FHC to properly pimp the car and the film.
But the “versus” issue in my blog title is, not which version of “The Mechanic” was better, as there is no question, and not so much a red car? small penis! issue, but I’m asking for your POV: which car was the superior red temptation? I say the Red Mustang. What say you?
The Bigger the Car, the Smaller You Are?
How much does the size choice of a man’s car equate to his penis size?
Comedienne Sarah Silverman’s father tweets about life from Boca Raton, Florida. You can actually see where her sardonic sense of humor comes from, if you follow him on his RantsFromBoca Twitter. One of his recent tweets:
Boca rumor has it the bigger the car the smaller the penis. So why am I driving a Prius? Maybe it isn’t applicable if you are 73.
A red Prius was a virtual joke-mobile for actors Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg playing farcical French Connection-esque cops in last year’s comedy film “The Other Guys”. The red Prius took the brunt of “small” jokes intimating small penis humiliation.
And the Prius, perhaps due to its name, a five letter word that sounds like Penis, continues to be a target for small penis humiliation jokes, regardless of color. In this case, a small car is associated with having a small penis as if it is a mirror to small penis humiliation size. Prius? Small Penis!
I’ve also blogged about how men a/k/a losers who try to overcompensate for lack of penis size by buying a big-ass SUV, super-sized pick-up truck or large luxury sedan, but not necessarily in the color known as “small penis” red. In this case, it’s: Big Car? Small Penis!
Emma Parker Bowles, a British expat and writer living in LA, and yes, niece of cuckoldress Camilla Parker Bowles, penned an interesting article in the The Sun, a UK news journal, about the same small penis humiliation topic. She opined that men with small penises seek out larger cars to compensate for their lack of penis size, but lamented that she couldnt’ go around de-pantsing the big car drivers to prove her theory. Oh, if only! She also noted that Americans have an obsession about car size regardless of penis size and much more so than car owners in other countries. She felt that despite the new trend in the US toward driving smaller cars and hybrids, that Americans will typically seek out larger vehicles to drive. In America, she stated, “bigger is better” regardless of fuel costs or environmental impact.
Image c/o movie still from “The Other Guys”
