Porsche Driving Test = Testosterone Thrills
Unfortunately, the penis size of the drivers was not measured before they took their test spins in the Toyota and the Porsche for this study on male testosterone levels. And it wasn’t advised if the test Porsche was Red! But the study results were surprising!
A research study done by Concordia University in Montreal focused on testosterone levels of males before and after driving both a relatively conservative sedan, a Toyota Camry, and a racy convertible sportscar, a Porsche 911 Cabriolet. The study group was comprised of approximately forty male college students. The test subjects were given a course to drive which basically consisted of two vastly different street environments. One street was considered busy and for purposes of the study, was filled with attractive young women on the sidewalks. The other street was essentially deserted. Then after each spin in the Toyota and Porsche on the test streets, each man’s saliva was measured for his testosterone levels. Even I did not guess the surprising results.
First, whether the element of the attractive women was present or not, the testosterone level of the male subjects did not increase after driving the Camry. Hmmm, there was no increase in testosterone even when exposed to the sexy women?
Second, when the test subjects in the Porsche 911 drove down the street filled with hot chicks, their testosterone levels rose. OK I guessed that. But then when the same test subjects drove down the empty street in the Porsche, their testosterone levels rose. OK I guessed that too. But what was most interesting: The testosterone rose to the same levels as it did when the test drivers drove down the street with the attractive ladies parading on the sidewalk.
The lead researcher conducting the study, Gad Saad, concluded, “Put a guy in a Porsche and his testosterone levels shoot up, whether people are watching or not.” According to Saad, this is a biological reaction. But what about the lack of testosterone reaction to the sexy women? Saad clarified that the consistent rise in testosterone for the Porsche drivers constituted a form of sexual signaling regardless if females were present. This passive sexual signaling was supposed to indicate that the drivers of the Porsche were the best potential mates.
So do men choose to drive racier sportscars as a general mating signal, regardless if the signal is received? What if women find it pathetic that the sportscar drivers, regardless of their testosterone levels, aren’t ideal mates if the cars (by color or type) signal to the females: small penis humiliation! Do men seek to drive sportscars to get more of a testosterone thrill even if there are no women present and regardless of small penis humiliation? Is testosterone a hormone to which men can become addicted, similar to adrenaline?
Small penis humiliation aside, more research is definitely needed if there are biological components as to why a man’s testosterone reacts the way it does when driving particular vehicles. But I would certainly like to see the next study include a Red Porsche and penis size measurements to know if there are variants if the drivers have a small penis and to determine if there are testosterone reactions to a Red sportscar color!
Midlife Crisis or Small Penis Humiliation?
“You’re probably just having a midlife crisis,” Scarlett Johansson informed Bill Murray in the movie “Lost in Translation”. “Did you buy a Porsche yet?” Or should Scarlett have asked if he had bought a Red Porsche yet?
In most surveys conducted of male drivers, the most popular midlife crisis car is the Porsche and Red is the most popular color! Not that anyone needed a survey to deduce that information. There has to be something about the Red sportscar as midlife crisis signifier, in addition to women interpreting it as small penis humiliation on wheels.
But in an effort not to stereotype, can a Red sportscar signify other than midlife crisis symbol or small penis humiliation? Let’s explore some of the other reasons why men dare to buy a Red sportscar:
1. Success car, that such a luxury toy can be afforded. Showing off income on a spendy car. Adding the car to a collection.
2. Midlife crisis car, psychologically compensates for youth slipping away, but aging driver ends up looking ridiculous behind the wheel.
3. Trying to attract women, regardless of small or large penis size. Showy, flashy or colorful maneuvering is a biological trait of males in many species. “Hey, look at me!” Yeah, how could we miss your Red Porsche in the sea of SUVs?
3. Small penis humiliation car, which can also encompass Reasons #1, #2 and #3! Overcompensating for having a small penis, but overlooking that women immediately stereotype the driver of a Red sports car as having a small penis regardless of income or age.
Now here is a driver who I would say bought his Red Porsche for Reasons #1 thru #4. Successful, midlife crisis, flashy small penis humiliation!
Orange is the New Red Small Penis Car!
I saw the flash of orange on Biscayne. Only caught a millisecond of a glance at the driver, but in that millisecond I vouched: small penis! Since Red and Yellow combine to make Orange, it makes complete sense that Orange is in the small penis humiliation car color range. As for the car, it was a Lambo. Specifically a Lamborghini Murcielago. And a large price tag to pay for a small penis — @$290K!
So, is Orange the new Red when it comes to flashy small penis humiliation wheels? Is Orange less common than Red and therefore even flashier and more of a statement to the effect: I May Have a Small Dick, but I Have a Lot of Cash?
But I nearly forgot, there are rental car companies that feature only exotic sportscars around Miami. If you’ve got the cash or credit limit on your credit card, why rent trash? Dream Cars of Miami will rent this Orange Lambo for $1,750 per day. So it may have been rental Viagra on wheels for a small penis dickster driver and definite small penis pinkie wave humiliation to drive around for the day.
Now on the West Coast, on an equally famous drive, PCH a/k/a Pacific Coast Highway, we have an Orange Maserati (photo submitted by a Red Car? Small Penis! blog reader). I don’t know my Maserati models, so perhaps a reader can I.D. this small penis humiliation model. But here is an Orange Maserati revving it up at a Red light for all girls to see and sneer: Small Penis! Or give the small penis sign to the driver! While the driver may have millions, driving this flashy Orange Maserati means only one more thing: Orange is the New Red!
Lambo photo c/o gothamdreamcars.com/miami
Maserati photo c/o private collection
Red Truck, Small Penis Humiliation!
Would you want to spend a whopping $70,000 – $130,000 to advertise that you have a small penis? Ashton Kutcher did. I wonder if he bought the Red International Pick-up small penis humiliation truck depicted here? For those of you who want to make a “big” statement while driving down the street or highway, why not buy a mere Ford 250 and pimp your ride or convert another large sized pick-up truck into a street legal Monster Truck? Not when you can own the largest small penis humiliation pick-up on the road and a gas guzzler with the lowest mpg of any pick-up in its size class.
Fortunately or unfortunately, the International CXT Pick-up Truck was dropped from production. Economy issues, increased fuel cost issues, didn’t attract the right buyer issues… The International Pick-up Truck was marketed to athletes with excess cash, celebrities with small penises and big egos and then on the more utilitarian side of the market: boat owners, horse and livestock haulers. Apparently, 99% of the SPH market didn’t feel like they needed to buy a real truck to compensate for having a small penis. Let alone how difficult it would be for anyone with a small penis to master driving the complex truck transmission! Besides girls would just laugh with humiliation as the tiny dick loser driver would continually grind the gears! Yes, the International Pick-up did come with a truck transmission and not a regular automatic or standard tranny. And in this case, tranny is automotive parlance for transmission, not for a shemale!
Image c/o International Trucks
Red Car Small Penis Myths!
While there are small penis humiliation myths debunked below by statistical data about driving and insuring red cars, one interesting stat is that studies have shown red cars are involved in more accidents than any other color cars… Hmmmm could that mean that red car drivers are driving unsafely, faster than they should, trying to show off, in an effort to overcompensate for small penis humiliation?
As if it isn’t enough of a statement of small penis humiliation to be seen driving an ultra expensive rare Red Ferrari, consider the humiliation when this Australian university student had to make the dreaded cell phone call: “Ummm Dad, I just wrecked your $400,000 Ferrari…”
The “Red Car Bias” Myth #1: A common misconception is that red sportscar drivers tend to receive more speeding tickets than drivers of other color cars. Could it be due to their flashiness? Or that red car small penis drivers receive tickets due to envy of the patrolling officers? This is compounded by the ostensible optical illusion created by a red car’s color that makes it appear to be going faster than it really is, regardless of a radar gun. Too bad there isn’t a radar gun that also detects small penis size.
Let’s confer with the experts. According to the Insurance Information Institute: “There is no data to support the assertion that red cars receive more traffic tickets than cars of any other color.” Still, the Rrd car speeding ticket myth has been so widely accepted that it correlates to another Red Car? Small Penis! driving myth below.
The “Red Car Bias” Myth #2: How many car buyers have avoided red cars because they believed owning a red car would mean higher insurance rates than cars of other colors? (Let alone that it would mark them for small penis humiliation…) However, while some studies have suggested red cars are involved in a disproportionate number of accidents, according to the same insurance institute: “There are no major insurance companies that consider car color when determining insurance rates.” The bottom line in the auto insurance industry is that drivers with good driving records, who drive safe vehicles, park off-street at their residences, live in a low theft risk area and drive a moderate amount of miles per year typically have the lowest car insurance premiums. Drivers of red cars, whether they sport a humiliating small penis or monster cock, aren’t necessarily “penalized” for driving and insuring a red car. That is, until they rack up the speeding tickets or get into an at-fault accident. Not only will their auto insurance rates rise, but also their small penis humiliation!
Images c/o SydneyMorningHerald.com
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